It started off as alow day, just a bleh no feeling type of morning I actually stayed in bed (the couch) until about 9am considering it's summer and the neices and nephew are out of school this is a feat in itself. Then I txted my ex telling him I would pick up the girls from my mom Sunday, I had previously told him to take them and he was going to. He replied back that I couldn't want them one day and not want them the next and he was going to get custody. Well that turned my bleh day into a dangerously depressed unfeeling one. In the end he's letting me keep them but insisting I get help, hes probably only letting me keep them because they are my lifeline at this point. It's hard and painful and I don't want to do it, I don't want to take care of them because that means I have to live and at this point I'd rather not. At the same time I struggle to survive, I go to therapy, reach out to friends, go to work, etc. So this afternoon I caved and forced myself to read my Codependent No More workbook and do the activities, well most of them. I'm continuing to run with this and finding affirmations and googling how to recover from depression. I'm fighting again. I don't want to but I'm forcing myself to because if I don't it'll be my own damned fault when he takes the girls away. He's not an a-hole, he's actually the one that is telling me that I need to figure this out and fight it, that I need to live. But everyone has their limit he reached his and left me but still supports me…..It confuses me and makes it that much harder for me. I keep thinking we'll get back together. But anyway that was today. Bleh to dangerously depressive to forced motivation. An odd yet normal day.

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 6 years ago

    I would suggest that you will find it useful to add doing a gratude list to the exercises. It realy realy helps me.

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