I'm concidering trying out for my schools' band. There's a workshop in May. but i'm even hesitant about attending that. i haven't picked up a pair of sticks or mallets in almost four years. and i'm kind of scared to. i don't think i'm good enough. not even for pit. What if it's middle school all over again. i now these people are adults now, but that doesn't guarantee it won't happen. i have always been told and treated like if i wasn't good enough. The rest of the drummers wouldn't even let me touch a snare. when i took up the bells, they wanted to take them away from me. i was always stuck playing auxilary. even when i new how to play a song on the snare. when i tred out for high school band. it was the same thing. i was kept back because they thought i didn't get music. then they heard me play and saw they were wrong. but they still didn't let me move up. I was known as the BEST bell player in my home town. the thing is, i was the ONLY bell player in my town. but i wasn't good enough. even though they did say i was better than one of the advanced players. i wasn't good enough then. and now four years later. that probably hasn't changed. I can work my butt off, but i know i will never be good enough. the only reason i keep considering trying out is that i liked playing music. and i was kind of needed. i was the only one that nedded to know all the parts just incase someone was absent. i was useful.. but that won't be the case know. they do need more percussionists, but they don't necessarily need me. i don't know what to do. i want to try, but i know i'm not good enough.
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