I'm concidering trying out for my schools' band. There's a workshop in May. but i'm even hesitant about attending that. i haven't picked up a pair of sticks or mallets in almost four years. and i'm kind of scared to. i don't think i'm good enough. not even for pit. What if it's middle school all over again. i now these people are adults now, but that doesn't guarantee it won't happen. i have always been told and treated like if i wasn't good enough. The rest of the drummers wouldn't even let me touch a snare. when i took up the bells, they wanted to take them away from me. i was always stuck playing auxilary. even when i new how to play a song on the snare. when i tred out for high school band. it was the same thing. i was kept back because they thought i didn't get music. then they heard me play and saw they were wrong. but they still didn't let me move up. I was known as the BEST bell player in my home town. the thing is, i was the ONLY bell player in my town. but i wasn't good enough. even though they did say i was better than one of the advanced players. i wasn't good enough then. and now four years later. that probably hasn't changed. I can work my butt off, but i know i will never be good enough. the only reason i keep considering trying out is that i liked playing music. and i was kind of needed. i was the only one that nedded to know all the parts just incase someone was absent. i was useful.. but that won't be the case know. they do need more percussionists, but they don't necessarily need me. i don't know what to do. i want to try, but i know i'm not good enough.
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Buddhism, Eightfold Path
Tasogare, , Depression, Addiction, Anger, Mindfulness, Psychosis, Relationships, Religion, Sex Therapy, Suicide, 0
The Noble Eightfold Path describes the way to the end of suffering, as it was laid out by Siddhartha...
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And if the night runs over and if the day won't last, and if your way should falter along this stony pass, It's just a moment, this time will pass
clarinetkristin, , Depression, Obesity, Relationships, Religion, Weight Loss, 1
Today has been ok. FIrst one in a while that i could actually hold my head up high. I...
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Shut Up Symptoms
rab, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, 2
The thing about being depressed is that it often comes with the symptom of not wanting to tell those...
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Quiet.*Self Harm talk may trigger*
sadjac, , Depression, Therapy, 3
I've found myself today being quiet. I guess its not that unusal, but today, all day, i've felt my...
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Just another day
Elmsbandit, , Depression, Career, Obesity, Religion, Suicide, 0
I wake up several times throughout the night from aching tendonitis. Putting off the start of my morning. Roll...
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Not Going to Be Happy Tomorrow:
Martha_My_Dear, , Depression, Addiction, Anxiety, 0
So… I woke-up an hour earlier this afternoon (four) than I’ve been getting up, so that’s good. Tonight I...
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Depression Pendulum
TessErin, , Depression, Depression, Therapist, 1
I feel like my depression is like a pendulum. Swinging in and out of my life constantly. One day...
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Hope
eternallyblue, , Depression, Career, Child, Depression, Grief, Suicide, Therapist, 0
Lately I’ve been feeling pretty hopeless. Especially since going to the therapist. I just don’t see anything to look...
If you love to play music, then I say, go for it. Don't let other people get in the way of what you want to do. You are good enough, you just need a chance to show it off.