I am home for the holidays in the lovely NJ. I spent a day with the person I am seeing in the city and it felt like nothing I have ever felt before. Part of me feels like I am falling in love.  For the first time I was sad to see someone go.  Now he is back home on the west coast and has not made an attempt to contact me. And I just burned dinner.  But anyway, he seemed to want to spend like with me and asked me to continue seeing him after winter break, we are both in college and has not tried to contact me, I really miss him.  I also got really dperessed when I came home.   I feel really disconnected from my high school friends and wish that I had more of a community here.  My mom said they I could have one if I truely wanted one.  But I don’t really connect with anyone I went to high school with, sans a few friends. My friends at school are driving me nuts with their immaturity and I feel like I have no one. I feel awful because my parents are great and trying their best but are driving me up the wall.  They won’t leave me alone and I don’t have to heart to tell them to gimmie a minute.  I try to make it clear that I just want to b e left alone but to no avail. Same shit, different day. I am used to people disappointing and abandoning me but it would be nice if it stopped.  What scares me the most is that I am not surprised that people are letting me down and misunderstanding me, its nothing new.


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