Since I've "let go" of my past, I've been seeing things clearer. One of those things is alcohol. I no longer feel I need it for company. For years,I used to drink a lot ~ every weekend and especially this time of year. I would always nurse several beers to make me feel less lonely. I wanted to numb the pain I had held on for so long.
After finally letting go of the resentment, the urge to drink is no longer there. Another thing is my job. I'm not happy there anymore. For months, I've had a nagging sense as to why I was there. The negativity in me kept saying I was "safe" where I am now. I don't need to start over. I don't need to go through the process of letting any supervisors know about my AIDS status. I would listen to the negativity and continue with my day.
Today, as I sat at my desk, I stopped what I was doing and this time, the inner voice was louder ~ "I'm not happy here. I need to change." I don't want to work where I am anymore. After six years, my job has become extremely mundane and monotonous. I'm bored and I feel stuck…so tomorrow, I'm going to the Community College to pick up the schedule to see what classes interest me. I'm going to seriously apply myself to begin looking for another job. Update my resume to begin sending them out.
I feel a change in me. There's a part of my life which I am finally feeling good about but now,it's also time I allow myself to listen to my little voice telling me to get out. Get out of what is making me unhappy and do what I want to be happy ~ completely and fully happy. Choices are up to me. I'm choosing to do something about it. I choosing a new course in my life.