Frustrated…

I hate this rollercoaster I'm currently on. I seemed determined to convince myself that I am a failure and cannot gain control over my emotions or thoughts. I had a bout of anxiety two weeks ago when my parents came to town, but I got through the first couple days and the rest of their trip went well. I had been doing fairly well again but this past weekend the anxiety/obsessions came back strong. It all started when I had a dream about feeling this way–that I couldn't get the thoughts out of my head. I woke up and realized it was just a dream and went back to sleep. I had another very similar dream and again woke up realizing that wasn't the case. This went back and forth until I actually got up. That's when it hit–I could feel the anxiety and I felt—"weird." I don't know how to describe it really, sometimes I wake up and I just feel off. I'm not thinking anything in particular but I feel off and this leads to a whole host of emotions and anxiety. I have completely convinced myself that I am slowly losing it; that any day I will slip away into dementia or psychosis. I think the worst thought/obsession I have is that these particular feelings/thoughts won't go away and I can't escape them b/c it's my mind. If I was afraid of something I could escape it—but how do you escape your mind? I'm so scared. Oh and let's add to the mix that I'm leaving for my belated honeymoon to Costa Rica in two weeks. My therapist is pretty sure that is what is triggering this recent anxiety bout since the last time I traveled is when my panic disorder reared its ugly head. I'm not going to lie, I am terrified that I will feel this way in Costa Rica or worse I will completely lose it and have nowhere to go. I want to enjoy life and I certainly want to enjoy this trip–we have been looking forward to it for so long, but the way I feel right now I can't see things going well. I already feel so terrible when I'm at home–what about when I am so far away and have to fly? Sorry but I just need to get this out. I am usually much stronger than this but I have really broken this week. I honestly believe this is the beginning of the end…that things will not get better. I know better than to think this way, but I can't turn my mind off. I'm stuck inside a living nightmare and don't know what to do.

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Well where to begin . lifes been oh well i wont complain .I fell agian and now i have excatelly 6 shattered bones that are not healing at all .but apparently my vitamin D is way to low and they want to see .by putting me on 1000 units of it a day if that will help and then .go back and see my orthepetic surgon and see what hes going to do with me .I'M more than a bit sick of hauling this aircasr t around to say the least .I;M SICK OF PEOPLE butting into things that are none of there dam buisness .why cant ppl just let things alone its one thing if there your family .but when there just people u know well it makes me furious .I wanted to ask since i started taking Atripilia dec 27 2009 or was it 2008 neither here nor there .my teeth are getting very bad .there falling apart and its not cavities .there just taking a shit kicking has anyone else had this problem with taking meds as well .

  my mom and my son left today to go back to nova scotia i miss them awful .my baby boy was suppose to live here with us .but unfortunatelly he hates ontario and being used to living and growing up down east who can blame him so we have decided to move down as well so adam can be with us .oh and i spoke to the victims services in folton county where my precious neice was killed and apprently they still have not brought the person who killed our precious angel but i have all the familys victims statements for the judge to read mine is like 20 pgs long i cant belive its been almost 8 months since she was killed .

its totally torn my family apart and I dont think it will ever get better but better times ahead anways the district attorney told me that they have 4 yrs to charge this person there going to let them sit in jail i was like furious why hasnt there been a grand jury hearing or anything i was omg so angry i was shaking till they explained to me what they have in mind witch i cant really talk about .but the family is more than happy the way there handeling it now that we know what there truly doing

.as for my health well thats another matter its not good jeanine getting murdered took the life out of me. and its taken me sometime to try and get better. but all we can do is one day at a time take care and god bless u all i pray for each and every person who i have met or know who has this awful illness and hope everyones having a great summer I am still tryin to upload my wedding pics but for some reason its not letting me .I am not that comp literate so i will get someone to help me take care and god bless u all keep your chin's up things can only get better god bless lanna   

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