My mood is kind of floating around me.. It's like I can't choose just one to be..
I could be happy because I'm finally starting to work on my homework, or I could be sad because I still have so much I haven't started.
I could be happy because I could be going home tomorrow. Or I could be sad because I think my sister might try to convince our parents that we should stay here over the weeked..
I could be happy because my sister and I aren't at each other's throats right now, or I could be sad because I know that it doesn't take much to turn us against each other..
I want to feel something that isn't anger, or disappointment, or depression.
I'm sick of being the one to keep everything in..
I'm sick of thinking I can't be happy because whenever I am, something or someone ruins it..
I'm sick of swallowing 10-20 pills just so I can knock myself out so I don't think about anything.
I want to walk around with a smile on my face.
I'm sick of being anxious everytime I come back to this sh*t apartment..
I'm sick of my eyes being puffy because I couldn't stop crying the night before..
I'm sick of my mind tricking me into believing that everyone's staring at me because I look like hell, or I look crazy, or they just know what's going on..
I can't hear someone laugh without me thinking that they're laughing at me..
I'm sick of being someone's caretaker when they do nothing to help themselves, or me.
I'm sick of being taken advantage of, or being taken for granted, or being unappreciated.
I'm sick of constantly feeling like pure sh*t.
I want to be normal. I want to be happy. I want to have friends. I want to sleep because I'm tired, not because my recent overdose has me half-unconscience.
I'm tired of keeping secrets.
I'm tired of choosing every single one of my words because if I let anything slip, I'm f*cked.
I just want to be done.. Is that so wrong?