Hi,
Any help/suggestions you could give would be awesone!
I have had "pure O OCD" since 1994, when I was 16. It was dormant for many years while I was taking Anafranil and Klonopin. I also suffer from GAD and Panic Disroder. About a year ago things took a turn for the worse and now I'm thinking I must have the worst OCD case ever or something. I am constantly worried about death, especially those closest to me like my daughters. I have these intrusive thoughts of them dying or just bad things happening to them in general, or profane thoughts such as "fu** ____" insert person's name. In order to ward these off and "save them," I perform mental rituals like saying no, it doesn't count, that's just OCD, etc. I feel if I don't ward it off, something bad will happen to my daughters maybe not now but in the future as well. And it would be all my fault for not warding it off sufficiently. So my day consists of an endless cycle of bad thought/ward off and the bad thoughts always come back. It's got to a point where nearly every thought of my daughters is a bad one because the OCD seems to attack those I care about most. I also have scrupulous thoughts about God, Jesus, etc. that are very profane and disturbing. I feel that I will be punished just for having these thoughts so I have to ward them off too, often with prayer. I'm a strict Catholic so this is very distressing. I'm so bad right now that I'm probably obsessing 99% of my waking hours. I have had to take time off work because I couldn't concentrate there. In short, this OCD is destroying my life, my work, and my marriage and I want it to stop ASAP.
I'm fed up with the "help" that's out there in my area, or lack thereof. I have tried 3 psychiatrists and 6 therapists in the last year. I'm on Anafranil, the highest dosage, and now Risperdone as well as the Klonopin. At other times doctors had me on Prozac and Abilify. Nothing touches my symptoms. I've tried cognitive therapy and exposure but no relief. The exposures only made things worse because I had to write down my thoughts as homework and that can be pretty tough to do when your thoughts are non-stop. I just feel that no one around here has seen a case like this or they just don't specialize in it. They say they're at a loss.
So I just wanted to know, first, if there's anyone out there like me? Also any meds that work better than what I'm taking? Any therapies? Is there hope?
Thank you so much for your help!
Hi much man, I'm sorry your going through such a tough time with OCD! I'm on Luvox for my OCD and I've heard many good things about it. The best advice I can give is first never lose hope, be vigilant about getting better! Scour the Internet for information on pure o or pure OCD! There are good books out there like Brainlock and also Imp of The Mind. There are also many more, check your local library or bookstore. If they do t have what your looking for try amazon.com. If the treatment in your area isn't sufficient maybe try looking for something a little farther that might be better. It's not unusual for people with OCD to go through a number of therapists before they find someone who can really help. I've gone through a few myself. You also need to recognize when you are having intrusive thoughts and be objective and say \” these thoughts are irrational thoughts that are false messages from my brain, they are a product of OCD and are not real.\” Every therapist who specializes in OCD will insist you not give into your compulsions, because every time you do you are submitting to the control OCD has over you and it becomes a vicious cycle. You have to understand that simply having thoughts whether good or bad can not influence or affect another person or bring harm or bad luck to that person. This is called \”god complex\” where you think your responsive for others safety and you falsely think you can somehow put people at risk or in danger simply by having bad thoughts. Also, God understands that you have a mental disorder and that you can help these scrupulous thoughts. You don't mean them, there not what's in your heart. God is compassionate and will not hold this against you. It's crucial that you avoid giving into your compulsions and rituals, seriously it only makes things worse. By resisting the compulsions you are taking the power OCD has over you away! But if you pay too much attention and give these thoughts importance you are more likely to give in. Resisting your compulsions will produce anxiety but over time it will diminish and the more you do this the easier it becomes and the thoughts will become less frequent and less intense. Also I belong to a yahoo.com support group for pure o, try googling it, it's very good! Best of luck my friend!
There is always hope. I have thoughts like you do, about just thinking "F ___" or bad thoughts about God and or Jesus. I was raised Southern Baptist, so this was tough as well. I was terrified for the longest time. Now I have to realize, the thoughts are not me. I am not the thoughts. I am on Prozac right now, and it is great when I take it regularly. I have issues with taking my medication on time day after day, so of course that can cause problems. Don't quit looking for a medication (anti depressant) that works well with your mind and body. One is out there for you. And come here for support.