Well, today was an ok day. It was sunny here so the kids got some much needed playtime outside and I tried not to think about all the germs they might be picking up on the playground :). Although I haven't been formally diagnosed with GAD, I'm pretty sure that's what I have even though it is fairly specific to germs and sickness. I was talking to my therapist the other day and told her I find it odd that my anxiety has decided to show up this way. For one, I have worked in a medical field almost my entire career. From cleaning equipment at hospitals, to a chiropractors office and then back to a hospital in billing. I was always the mom that said, germs are good for your kids, or its just a little dirt it won't kill them. And now I feel like Wal-Mart is the nastiest place on earth and wish I could strip my kids as soon as they hit the door from school. My anxiety level has been horrible this winter which is why I have started back to therapy. I don't take meds except chlonapin to chill me out when I get really strung out.

I hate being this way, probably because it is something I can't control and yes, I am a self admitted control freak. And I am pretty sure that is the reason sickness gets to me so badly. I can't control it. I don't worry about them dying or me dying if we get sick. I think about all the extra work it will cause me. The extra cleaning. Possiblly missing school, them or me. Just the general disruption it will cause my life. I am a creature of habit, and I hate it to be off kilter.

Ok, so I suppose I have vented enough for one nite.

2 Comments
  1. gphonse357 13 years ago

    You\'re right, in that you can\'t do anything about something that you have no control of. I have anxiety too, regardless of wether I try to control it or not. Germs are normal, you can\'t protect your kids from all the germs in the world. But I promise you that they will be okay regardless. You probably won\'t stop worrying, but you can\'t be superwoman either. You also must take care of yourself as well, for yourself and your kids, which means staying calm and being rational. You can rest easily, germs will not kill or harm either one of you.

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  2. pejink 13 years ago

    Thanks 🙂 The thing I think that gets to me the most is the lack of control, which feeds my particuliar anxiety. I know that the chances of us dying from a stomach bug are rare and to be honest I never worry if that will happen. I just worry about all the extra work, and not being prepared. I try not to focus on being superwoman, but on being the most prepared without going overboard…LOL fine line…

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