Just when you think that things are looking up… I've had a bad couple of days (hence the reason for me not being on here) that had me pushed to the edge. Seeing my therapist helped because she reminded me of how sick I was the first time she saw me and to compare that to how I'm feeling now. And even with the problems I'm facing it's nowhere near as bad as 3 years ago. That reminder, that thought, has given me the strength to keep going. I'm starting to feel a little better, a lot more calm, and somewhat hopeful; at least for myself.

So of course now that I'm recovering some I get a call from my aunt. My uncle fell again and passed out on the driveway. The neighbor came and tried to help pick him up but he's too big (even though he's skin and bones). They had to call an ambulance and the EMT's got him up and took him into the house. When they went to leave my aunt had to flag them back to take him to the hospital because he fell a second time. They took him and found out that he has another bleed in his brain. So they airlifted him to the nearest hospital with neurosurgeons. This is NOT a good sign at all. I'm afraid we're going to lose him this time. I don't think his body can take the trauma that they have to cause to let the blood out and fix the tear. It means more drilling into his skull and I don't think he'll wake up this time. Last night he was still lucid at least. But again they're going to have to wait until he's off the blood thinners for his blood to thicken enough for them to safely do anything for him. Same thing as last time, precious time slipping away to give him a chance.

He signed a DNR and other things a few weeks ago. He doesn't want to survive on machines, and if his heart stops he doesn't want to be resucitated. So maybe this is what's best. He's made his choice, and he has every right to that. We're the ones who aren't ready for this. 🙁 He's ready to go, but we don't want to let go of him.

I'm getting ahead of myself here. I don't know what's happening yet; and it will be a few days before they do any surgery on him. But this time I'm going to see him in the hospital. I might go today depending on what's happening. He needs all the love and support he can get, and I'm determined to overcome my fears to be there for him.

There may be a 2nd blog up today. It all depends on what's going on. Thank you for reading this. (((HUGS)))