I don't normally allow people to get that close to me.  I have an intense fear of committment and for this reason have been very much unwilling to allow someone to get to know me for quite a while.

Well recovery has given me the opportunity to grow beyond that and in doing so I let a man into my life who I actually shared things with.  We connected and became fast close friends.  I'm not all that compatible with that many people, however for some reason we were actually compatible. 

He relapsed this week.  It has yet to get out of control again, but he is using, and honestly, it hurts.  This is someone I cared about.  Someone who I trusted my secrets with.  Someone who got to see my pathos and didn't run for the hills.  Now I have to distance myself from this individual?  Now I can no longer allow him to be a part of my life in anyway?  How is that healthy?

I'm being told by people that before he used we had two things in common: we were both addicts and we were both in recovery.  Now that he's using, I'm told we have just one thing in common: we are both addicts.  That just sounds like an incredibly insensitive theory.  Of course we have more in common than just being addicts (active or not) or else we would not have bonded the way we did.

My struggle here, is right now, I'm aware that I am vulnerable and should not hand out with him one on one, nor do I plan on doing so, but how is it okay to stop being someone's friend when they did the most natural thing for an addict to do?  How is it being true to the traditions that Narcotics anonymous teaches us to abandon a sick and suffering addict?

Like me, this person isn't trusting, or even close to many people in the rooms.  It seems that we trust each other the most.  While I'm not willing to put myself at risk by any means, or enable him at all, I am absolutely unwilling to abandon him at this time.  

HOW IS THIS SO WRONG?  HOW AM I PUTTING MY RECOVERY IN JEOPARDY BY DOING SOMETHING THAT THE LITERATURE TELLS US TO DO?

And if this indeed isn't something I should be doing, how do I help this person that I care about without being a part of his life?  How is it even possible to practice the twelfth step AND Traditions one and five if how I am suppose to react is by not interacting with this person?