Here I sit at 4 am on my day off, and the committee has gathered at the table in my mind.Praise music rings in the backgound declairing His grace is sufficient for me… I claim this , and yet the committee does not dismiss. What a stuborn bunch. If only I could be so dedicated! I have experienced a good run, a series of days feeling strong, confident and in the game. Cravings have not haunted me, His grace has proven sovereign as Ive had a heart of praise and thanksgiving, and yet fear still hangs in the shadows. Even when I am at my seemingly best and on top of my game, the fear remains. Fear of failure. Fear of insufficiency. Fear of the unknown. What a fight. Such a close fight. My fighting spirit of self has regained such strength in recent days and yet I know it cannot alone sustain me. History has taught me this. So many times I have failed myself. So many times.Im missing my granfather tonight. He's gone to be with our Father this past year,ooh how he lived the life he was given. He had a sweet way of reminding me that I do not walk alone. This cycle, this ebb and flow is so familiar. A series of highs never seems to last. it always ends in a low, often a depression, in the past a drink. I am so thankful for the recognition. A chance to thart the relapse. The feelings are so familiar. I guess I am still struggling with acceptance of the feelings within the parameters of sobriety. There's always been a correlation between my feelings and my addiction. Sobriety enlightens reality. At times that can be a great high. At the moment it sucks.I am challenged to stay in the moment, an experience the committee highly opposes. The mind is beginning to again be drawn to the failures of the past and the what ifs of the future. I pray that realization is key to esacaping it and staying in the moment. Today will be another day. One day at a time.
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Staying clean every day
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, Anxiety, Child, Depression, PTSD, Questions, 0
we become member of the 12 step program of our choice when we finally stop putting mind or mood...
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Recovery for you
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, Child, Mindfulness, Religion, Spirituality, 0
NA hugs and love, JJ God, keep me from thinking I must share in every meeting, no matter the...
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Spinning
HighWireGirl, , Addiction, Addiction, Anxiety, Schizophrenia, Therapist, 0
Truly dedicatedalcoholics lead very exciting lives. We drink, drink, drink, drink and drink. Because we love adventure, some of...
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Live your life
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, Anger, Chronic Pain, Spirituality, 0
somedays it's a struggle in our recovery to just work on ourselves. as a person with a few days...
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Trip to the dentist
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, Medication, 0
A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulled out a...
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A re-posting
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, Addiction, Career, Questions, Sex Therapy, 0
So are you new to Recovery? if nobody has not said they love you to you yet today....
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What does it take to find it?
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, Addiction, Anger, Career, Child, Grief, Relationships, Religion, 0
when we finally walk into the rooms of NA or whatever 12 step program that works for you, we...
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Life is great
jjrocksarizona, , Addiction, Child, 0
1.Law of Mechanical Repair–After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you'll have...