So it's the usual then; 5 a.m.nowand went to bed at midnight. You'd thinkyou'd get used tobeing unableto sleep, but it doesn't ever get any less frustrating. I really shouldn't complain, I know a lot of people on here don'teven get 5 hours and thatthat's agood night forthem. At least the sleeping pill gave me that much time.

So I'm sitting on the porch in the blackness of night with a tiny bit of blue light showing above the tops of a few trees. Dawn must be coming and it must be pretty overcast outsince that's all I can see of the impending sunrise. Another rainy, coolday. I wonder if this is what living in Seattle and Washington state are like? As muchas I love mountainsand rain Ican only handle a day or two of it at a time, then I get into trouble with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) from the lack of sunlight. I'dget a sunlamp but they're so expensive. My husband could benefit from it too thought because he works the graveyard shift. Maybe it would help him sleep during the day if he got his sunlight fix at night. Right now he's using Sonata to help him sleep andit works well, but it has a short life-span of about 4 to 5 hours. He needs at least 8 straight.

For those of you that asked yesterday was "good". I say that because Aaron and I went on adate yesterday morning to see Breaking Dawn Part 2 (I love Twilight because I read the books before the movies came out) which was reallygood. But I criedon and off through the whole thing. I don't know wy ~ I know how thestory ends and it's not sad, but I'm still over-emotional I guess. The depression is there, but very quiet right now for the most part. I'm just kind of blah most of the time and I'm isolating a lot andirritable. I felt so bad because last night my son wouldn'tlisten and was behaving like a3 year old because he didn't want to go to bed yet ~ I blew up at him. I don't normally do that. I'mstill edgy and a little anxious.

We rented2 movies last night and had Zach go watch more age-appropriate stuff in his room for the evening and the firstone was funny but socrude that we ended up turning it off, and the second one was a suspense/horror movie (which I usually love, especially if it's a good ghost story), but it was really bloodyand making me on edge so we only gotthrough half of that one. As my husband refers to it, "gratuitous violence"is not my or histhing. I prefer creepy stuff like "The Grudge" or "Poltergeist" or something suspenseful like "White Noise" or the one where the kid said," I see dead people". (Wish I could remember the name of that one!) I love suspense and drama movies. Anything that keeps me guessing is good for me.

I inaugurated my son into the club of lovers of "The Last Unicorn", which he watched last night. It sounds like a child's movie, but it's not just for kids. It's about the last unicorn to surivive and she has to make the quest to find the others, and in her quest she has to become a human being to hide her true identity. But the difference between humans and unicorns is that unicorns are immortal and never regret, and humans aren't and do regret. She is forever changed by what she goes through to try to save the others. If you prefer to read you should check the book out at the local library ~ it may read easy but it will touch you in ways you can't imagine. The author is a genius in his own way.

When I was a child I had 3 favorite animals; cats, frogs and unicorns. The unicorns were because of that movie. It was originally aired on HBO back in the early 1980's as a made-for-tv movie, but became so beloved that it was rereleased as a regular movie for home viewing and the soundtrackbecame available. It was done by America, ( A Horse With No Name, etc…) and was hauntingly beautiful. SO, in the mood that I'm in here are the words to one of the songs…hope you like it and look into it further.

Horizon rising up to meet the purple dawn

Dust demons screaming

Bring an eagle to lead me on

For in my heart I carry such a

Heavy load.

Here I am

On Man's Road.

Walking Man's Road…

I'm hungry, weary

But I cannot lay me down.

The rain comes, dreary

but there's no shelter

I have found.

It will be a long time till I find

my abode.

Here I am

on Man's Road.

Walking Man's Road…

Moon rising. disguising

lonely streets in gay display.

The stars fade, the nightshade

falls and makes the world afraid.

It waits in silence for the sky to explode…

Here I am

On Man's Road.

Walking Man's Road

Walking Man's Road….

~ American "Walking Man's Road" from The Last Unicorn

love you all. ~ Key