Trying to get better but I don’t know how. I have no one to talk to. Everything is getting worse. Every time I’ve opened up to someone it turned out to be a disaster. Opening up to people just doesn’t work out and honestly it just makes everything worse. I have no one to turn to when I’m depressed which is becoming more frequent and no one cares enough to reach out. I’m just living to live and living without a purpose or any semblance of a life. Every so called friendship that I’ve had has been completely one-sided. I was always the one reaching out and asking others to go out, I was the only one taking any initiative. I was the only one to put forth any effort in general and it was clear that I was the only one who cared. No one knows how to deal with someone who’s struggling with depression, I only get the generic “I’m sorry you feel that way” and “I’m here for you” when they’re really not. It’s always one step forward two steps back. I wish people were more compassionate. I wish it would all just end. Death would be a relief.

3 Comments
  1. judec 8 months ago

    You took the step to write this blog entry. This is a good start in the right direction!

    People care. They just don’t know how to help depressed people like us. Who wants to be around depressed people? No one. It’s not their fault. Nor is it your fault you are depressed, it is a biological (genetic) condition.

    It may benefit you to find an in-person support group, There is a higher probability that you’ll connect with someone who knows how to care and is more than willing.

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  2. patrickmckenzie 8 months ago

    Death sucks! It’s permanent and there’s no coming back. I attempted suicide 3 times and I’m glad I was unsuccessful. At least I think I am. But hey! I get you. And I feel your pain. Maybe we can work through this SHIT SHOW together

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  3. SullenGirl76 7 months ago

    I understand the feeling, but I truly believe that suicide is a permanent reaction to temporary (even if long lasting) pain. Few people would advocate throwing a patient with completely curable cancer in front of a train to prevent/end the temporary suffering of treatment. Same concept with depression.

    Depression IS like cancer of the spirit/soul/mind/heart/whatever-you-wanna-call-it. And just like some people get really awkward around cancer patients, so too do a lot of people get awkward around those with depression. I feel that daily from just about everyone I know. I even feel it at home with my husband. But I will say this: *most* people would not bother to say anything if they truly didn’t care. Even boilerplate responses take time to relay in conversation (verbal or written), and very few people would take any time out of their day if they didn’t care. I’ve learned this over MANY therapy sessions and even counseling with my husband (who also suffers from depression – albeit a less aggressive and seemingly milder “flavor” than mine).

    Speaking as someone on both sides of depression, sometimes words escape a person. Very few people actually want to make anyone feel worse, and most of us want to make sure the person speaking feels heard. But we just don’t know what to say. What can a person say? What can a person do? I can’t unfeel anyone else’s pain. I can’t say any words that magically erase someone else’s pain. All I can do is say that I am sorry a person feels the pain they are in, and that I want to help but don’t know how.

    Again – and I can’t say this enough – very few people are malicious and actually want to abandon others in their time of need. Most people outgrow that kind of drama and those kinds of games during or shortly after high school. BUT, depression makes us *feel* that others are purposely not understanding us or somehow abandoning us. Depression warps our perception of reality the way a fever warps our perception of room temperature.

    Anyway… all of that is to say that I would like to offer my hand in friendship. I cannot promise to be available anytime day or night, nor am I a mental health professional or otherwise able to cure anyone’s depression. But I have been told numerous times that I am a very good active (non-judgmental) listener and that I offer good insight and have a calming nature about myself. For whatever that’s worth.

    Take care and please keep listening to the part of you that is compelling you to reach out. That’s the REAL you, begging to be heard amongst the noise of depression.

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