Very nice to have off on President's Day.

I went for a run a little while ago… probably less than 30 minutes total- i'm very out of shape of course, but i'm glad i did it.  I'm very drowsy now, though.

So, the dude I have a crush on supposedly has a girlfriend now, I heard.  Sucks… but I have no chance w/ him anyway.

I really need to make some friends so I don't like, die.

M.I.L finally left the other day.. holy shit, she overstayed her visit by almost a week.  I really loathe frank's relationship w/ his mom, it's very abusive on both ends… they are truly terrible to each other.  And deep down, they both blame it on external sabotages, but the truth is that they are both completely insane and selectively sensitive toward random shit.  The entire 2.5 weeks was really unbearable for me.  And then after she left, Frank told me that she was so pissed when she would get woken up by my alarm every weekday morning… and of course I had to tip-toe around my own house in the morning but it didn't matter because my alarm disturbed her anyway, but seriously, what the fuck was i supposed to do? We live in a tiny railroad apt!! Jesus fucking christ, I'm so ecstatic that she's gone.  Every goddamn day was just full of needless chaos and bickering and she complained about EVERYTHING. I was about to blow my brains out.  I love her, but she cannot coexist w/ us unless we have a huge living space.  She was clearly so grossed-out by our house and I realize it's not that tidy and that we need to dust, but she is really an overly critical person and I'm glad she's gone.

Sooo… my sex life is…. on a scale of 1 to 10 … it's a 4 at best, really.  And it scares me that I'm 23 and I'm saying that but I'm tired of keeping it in.  Frank and I are just not sexually compatible.  But I'm terrified to try to fuck anyone else.  Hopefully if I continue running, I'll feel differently… let's see if I run at least 3 times per week for the next few months…. I'll re-evaluate the situation.  And wouldn't it be great if it didn't take that long…. but I have a lot of body-related issues… and face-related issues.  I have convinced myself that I am physically and emotionally repulsive and "who would want me?" etc etc… all that textbook self-loathing jibberjabberish.

Ughhh…. i need a nap.

I'm supposed to be working on the book but I've been procrastinating for the past hour and a half.  I'm in "Time for ME" mode.

Maybe it's because I haven't been able to shit comfortably in my own home for the past 2.5 weeks because SOMEBODY… i don't know, SOME NARCISSIST… was disturbing my peace and diverting my attention to jack shit!

Seriously M.I.L, i love you but I can't deal w/ your bickering and out-of-nowhere hypersensitivity and mood-swings.  You are insane 🙂