My son had a birthday this past Friday, he turned 12. He's so awesome. He's a little wild-man, always has been. But tenderhearted as all hell. He's been through so much in his little life and yet he stays shocked when life takes a dump on him or someone he loves. He was born with HUGE tonsils and adnoids, couldn't even speak correctly, got sick constantly. They kept pressuring me to have tubes put in his eardrums, but his ears were good, they treated me like I was a bad mom. They tested his hearing (trying to prove their case) and he had freakishly good hearing. Like, better than other people. Stupid fuckers. Finally some doctor with an actual brain in his head looked for aREAL reasonwhen he came in sick againone time and discovered his throat issue, and had him come back when WELL. Sure enough, he even showed me the not swollen, but huge tonsils, and scheduled him for surgery. Within a couple months, he got booted out (graduated early)of speach therapy, he didn't have anything left to work on there! Hardly any illnesses either, less than his classmates! And then there's his…dad? Sperm donor, piece of crap, why does becoming a father HAVE to mean men turn into losers? What the hell is it about an innocentchild that makes emotional torture funny?

So,he had the most pathetic horrible birthday ever this past weekend at his court ordered placement in HELL. I'm noteven gonna repeat what the hell he got for a gift.

I had sent his wolf project with, all they had to do was put on the ears and paint the fuckin' thing, could he do that for a little kid just turning 12? No, but he did damn near wreck the fuckin thing. We worked all fuckin night last night trying to fix it enough to get it painted and done for this morning to hand in at school. Stupid rotten SOB.

It wasn't even HARD TO DO, we actually had a good time doing it, it's just time consuming, waititng for paper mache to dry. He couldn't do that with his son? My son was looking forward to it, he WANTED that asshole to do a project with him. So he plays tough guy and breaks a little boy's heart instead? Funny, yea jerk. I knew he didn't have a ton of money, and my son was actually excited that they would be doing this art thing together for an activity.

What the hell is wrong with people? We haven't evolved enough to be descent human beings yet? Adults are assholes. Kids and animals are the only beings worth spending any time with. Are we really stupid enough to WONDER why people go postal? We treat kids (both: girls are still irrelevant, and boys are taught to be “tough” (i.e. assholes)) like crap and wonder why the world is a hateful fucked up place.

I want to be a hermit. Only animals and kids allowed. Really, I think that's my only survival path. I wanna be an old hag from the country, never cut my hair, wear old beat up nasty smelly work clothes tied up with a piece of rope instead of a belt, drive my tractor to town, talk to people who aren't there (loud), chew tobacco, and spit, but only when someone is looking. I think people would leave me alone. I'll wait until my kids graduate, and then when they come home for weekends we'll get dressed up and go to the city and see a theatre production and go out to eat. Ha Ha! I love it! That's me!! And I'll write in private, all my book ideas and math. And I'll study all the things I love. I think I'll get to work rearranging my life to get to that place so I'm ready to become the crazy old hag. YEAY!! I have a wonderful new goal in life!!