Im just lol numb. And I deadass Cant help but say “Im fine” you know. And when i open up to someone they think i seek attention because i never seem like i have problems. So they would think im such a happy person seeking attention but im really a depressed person seeking happiness.. Idek like and support or advice never helps me anymore, And i hate people sometimes. Like my circle of FRIENDS not associates but people who are truly concerned fa me not no “hey u gud? “Yea im fine” “oh ight” I want da ppl who will know that Im fine doesnt mean “im happy” or “i live a good life. And a lot of people  Would say their “depressed cuh dey lil “boo” broke up wit dem and they all heartbroken and ykw sometimes i get dat they wasnt like da rest but in all relaity dey WAS like da rest. Depression doesnt come from a lil breakup, shit lol thats why my bitch ahh dont do relationships. The stress, the constant giving of love that i cant even offer to myself, the Constant effort that i cant even put into a days work. Its too much fa me. Last time i put effort into a relationship shit for the past 4 “relationships” they left, cheated, listened to lies, and left me… And m done gettin my feelins hurt, i dont EVEN LINK wit no one nomo, wit da feelin of just givin my body away, at this damn point it makes me gag. Having sex wasnt made for damn pleasure it was made for 1 damn thing and to make children, condoms shouldnt exist, sex toys shouldnt exist. People always take shit to the next level. No one can ever just keep something lowkey or subtle. nah people always gotta be extra and be loud and obnoxious about shit. Anywho. Whenever someone ask how im doing the real answer is “im doing shitty” But i cant say Im doing Shitty because i dont even have a good reason to be doing shitty so if i say “Im doing shitty” and they say “why whats wrong’?” and i have to be like iiii dont kno, all of it. So instead when people ask how im doing i usually just say “i am doing so great”                                   Yk in my family… For my preference of friends, lifestyle, Etc. I feel like im hated for it. I feel uncomfortable wantin to bring ma damn friends around my family because of their skin color. And i am ashamed of it, Thats one of the main things that ruin me, I just look at them and think “Only in school” And ykw dammit imma take those 7 hours of my weekday to be wit dem. Because while i feel shitty for having racist people in my household, I love my circle of friends and associates. And im not gonna give it up. Im Pan-sexual. and im closeted. My dad is a homophobe. And im scared out of my mind to tell him, Im not even gonna cap im scared he will hurt me, kick me out (not gonna complain on the getting kicked out), Send me away to a group home. All-cause of my preference in dating. ITS THE FACT I DONT EVEN DATE, and im still scared to tell them about a gender i like, but will never date, cause i wont ever date anyone, Slower and slower im becomin more coldhearted. And its gonna be sad when i just shut the fuck up and never speak again, i mean maybe not sad for everyone who despises me, which is like what feels like everyone, no matter what i know everyone hates me, inside and out. im 14 and 1.everyone hates me 2. i lived my life too fast 3.i act too grown, like damn when my ppl was 14 and 15 they was on bikes fukkin wit dey lil friends around da neighborhood. Now im out here doing things my dad,aunties,uncles, and damn adults in general do brah. I coulda sworwn juss yestaday i was playin wit doll houses now im runnin wit da gang and shit… Way to grow up aint it..

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