It's funny that there isn't a depressed mood on here. But anyways, lately I've been feeling depressed, mainly it's when I don't have anything on my mind or when I don't have something to keep me busy. I know some of the reasons why I feel depressed and it makes me feel even more depressed because I know that I can't fix the problems quickly or even fix them at all. First is the money situation, my boyfriend is the one bringing home the money, I haven't gotten an assignment from the temp agency for a while and I've been looking for a job but I haven't gotten any responses, I check on the applications but I always get the same response "The applications haven't been looked over yet." or "They're being looked over now." So that just makes me feel really depressed because I'm not pulling my own weight financially anymore and I have to depend on my boyfriend for money.
The second thing is my relationship with my boyfriend. He's acting really good and all, but it's like on the inside he's with me just because. Almost like there's no real reason that he's with me. It makes me depressed because he says almost on a weekly basis "You know that this relationship is probably just going to end with us just being just really good friends and eventually saying 'Hey, we're just friends, how about we start seeing other people." It makes me depressed because (this could just be me being paraniod) I feel like his heart is wondering, like even though he has some feeelings for me he's starting to develop more feelings for someone else. It makes me sad because after everything that's happened he still has the same views of me when we started dating and deep down he's still the same indesicive inmature naive person. I can see clearly that on the inside he's not even ready for a long term relationship. He wants all these things that come with long term relationships, but none of the responsibilities. It's like he thinks that if the things he wants happen then it's going to be all sunshine and rainbows and it won't get difficult and if he gets bored then it doesn't matter because he won't have to deal with it anymore if he gets bored.
But anyways, it just makes me depressed because it seems like he has two ways of thinking, but both ways are the same attitude. On one hand he talks about how our relationship is eventually going to end with us just realizing that we're better off as just really good friends, then on the other hand he talks about getting an apartment (away from his family) together and what he thinks our relationship will be like in 5 or 10 years when we have a house and stuff. So to me, it's just really confusing and then when I think about it all I get really depressed.
I don't know, right now I basically feel like my life is going nowhere and that I have no control over my life and I'm completely dependent on other people.