Just got done playing on Facebook…  No one on there makes sense to me… 

One of my friends status reads if you oppose Obamacare and gives details on what to do, and another status reads "Please keep your Obama bumper sticker on your car, so we can identify you."  And that is it…  I thought that was funny…  I could careless either way.  Fucking weird ass I am, I guess.  I think I'm depressed…  Yay for me…

Rituals have been low, they didn't act up until I took a shower.  All hell broke lose in the bathroom.  I just couldn't get it right.  I did my counting while doing them.  I was able to say this is enough and stop myself.  Then I got bored.  And I felt bad…  And now here I am…  Joy…

And I feel like a man today…  But I know I am a female.  And I am quite sensitive at the moment.  A feeling I try to ignore…  But I've been tring not to ignore it.  I am still very tired from my  "Freak out" the other week.  That is a weird feeling, like a haunted house, then time ceases to exist – but you know it really hasn't dissapered, but that doesn't matter, then you just feel really mellow.  It was like I was lost inside my head… My second encounter with that…  It was scary, and it was fun!  I had a blast at the end of it!  😀   I'm over it though.  I hope.

I felt like drawing but I could not find my colored pencils so I said hell with that and listened to some music instead.

Derick has been on my mind.  I have been ignoring him.  I feel beyond evil for that.  Like I have done something bad…  And I have not gotten angry since he was over here last…

Cirena and I went to Marshall.  I did not feel like going…  But I was just laying around sulking about how bored I am, so I made myself go.  I kepy coming up with reasons why I didn't want to go, then decided I would go agnist those thoughts.  It frustrated me…  I was fine once I was in the car, and the sunshine felt good on my skin.  I said good, thats funny…  I never say good…  I hardly ever say something feels good.

Then we went to my parents house to take some chinese food to Sierra.  I let her come over the other day to barrow a movie…  I don't usually let her in the house, especially the bathroom because she once stole my valume I got from the dentist, so I could go get my wisdom teeth pulled.  Because I am afriad of the denist.  Anyway, she was acting fine the other day and mentioned something about chinese food.  And my mom stopped over for a minute and asked what we were doing…  Then she gave us some money to get Sierra some food…  But anyway, when we dropped the food off at my parents house.  I just wanted to get the hell out of there because I felt embarrassed and I did not want to talk anymore…  I just wanted to come home.

And now I am tring really hard not to go off into pretend land.  But it just feels safe there.  I can do whatever I want…  Ahh I just did a ritual…  Why do I try…  I'll get it.  Or not…  Err