sooo this is my first time ever really writing about my depression on or offline. I guess I sometimes view online blogsites like I do myspace…which to me seems to be basically overrun with sick pedophiles looking for young girls. But I’m doing this now because things are really bad and I’m basically all alone with nooone near my age to talk to…

I think it really sucks to have depression at this age, because you’re right in the middle of two groups…the 13-18 year olds and older like 25-30 year olds.. I refuse to join an outpatient center for just this reason..because I don’t belong with 15year olds and I don’t relate to 40 year olds.

I want to die…right now I’ve taken the semester off from college so I’m home by myself. Last night I got word from my "friends" at college that was devastating and I wanted it to end. My mother came in on the situation and called the police(police, paramedics and a social worker came to my house). She/the police made me go to the er for the second time under threat of being committed…I don’t want to go to the ER…seriously…if I want to kill myself why would I go there or tell anyone? After several hours I learned they CAN’T commit you if you say there is no threat of imminent harm… lesson learned. Right now I guess I just hate my parents and because they told my siblings about my depression last night and now I can’t really talk to them either…I don’t have any friends from college anymore and I don’t want to tell friends from highschool…because I don’t want them to know that I’ve failed.

This is really long…I don’t know if anyone will even read this shit but I guess I’ll just get it out