Is it bad that I want to kill people? Iit bad that while everyone is having a good time, i'm just sitting there pretending that Iam. Isit bad that while I'm pretending to have a good time, that I think of cruel and evil things to do to them?
Is it wrong? Is it wrong to have a tone in my voice when Ihave asked someone something over and over? Is it wrong that I argue with people when when I know they're wrong, and everyone else in the room agrees with me?
Why is it bad and wrong if I show anger? It is not. especialy if there is a reason to it. I will show anger to those that cause it.
Yes Ihave anger issues, I've always had them. Ihad trouble wih anger. I still do. but the troubles Ihave now, are way more controlled than the ones Ihad.
I will show my anger. I will speak my anger. I will not go back to cutting and smacking my head against the wall.
If people don't like it. Then too F@$%ing bad. Deal with it. Cuz so far, it goes right over peoples heads. Most don't even know I am raging inside.
I will put my anger in words. and I will tell you my words.
People keep pisting me off. and I'm about to explode. These people have never seen me explode in anger. Only one knows of the way Ishow my anger. And another knows of my evil mind. The other is the one i direct the anger to. And it just goes over her head. She knows nothing, hears nothing, sees nothing. yet she calls herself a best friend of mine. SHE IS NOT!!! She causes me to be angry. She knows nothing of me. She knows little of the others whom she has known for longer than i have. i learned more about them in two months than she has in five. She keeps calling me friend. I am not her friend. She pistes me of to the point i want to smack her across the face.
the worst thing is, i can't get rid of her. i have to live with her for the rest of the semester, and then next year as well. i can do nothing about it. i will have to wear it out. luckily God has given me two great friends that know me well, and know when i need to get away.
Anywho. hope you guys are okay.
Everyone has bad thoughts. But we don't act on them, usually. Everyone gets angry too. If it starts to interfere with your well being, consider therapy to talk it out. I am here if you want to vent.
IMO, feelings and thoughts are not bad or wrong. Taking action on the negative thoughts is.
Nessie,
You need to tak this over with a therapist. It is not fair to you or your roommate that you have such anger and evil thoughts about her and yet she is clueless to your feelings and attitude. You cannot go on keeping this bottled up and she will not know what hit her when you do explode.
As to having evil thoughts, yes we all have them. But do not dwell on them. Do not obsess. When you do your thoughts become feelings, feelings become attitude aand attitude becomes action. Will your fantasy world of anger and violence become reality, I don't know. But the more time you spend there in your mind, the more likely it will. This is why you need to discuss this with a professional therapist.
Good luck,
Elf