As busy and hectic as this week was, I see it must have been a good week as I just spent 2 hours with my head in the oven. Seldom do I have the energy to clean that black pit, been seven years to be exact. I have my back turned to the pile of black ick soaked newspapers and cardboard that I spread all over the floor, they can wait, not seven years, but until later today.
Wednesday I went and saw my dear friend and mental health care worker. I got right to the point as to what I saw as red flags in my ongoing life with MDD. I was able to tell her without prompting what I felt was the cause of my hyper-vigilance and anxiety, as well as what I did to confront it and deal with it. Her beaming smile told me I had done the correct things. I talked about the upcoming surgery and fears that I felt in that regard. She told me I was doing all the correct things and when I felt I was losing my footing to call her, other than that she really saw no need at this time to schedule ongoing appointments.
Yay me!
Thursday found me multi-tasking like an old pro. The company’s latest hire had walked off the job on Wednesday morning. I had a feeling she was going to and had run after her to make sure she was okay and suggested she see her doctor. I did not press her to talk about her personal life but had noticed the earmarks of depression. She confided that her anti-depressants did not seem to be working. I knew she had been making mistakes, I had not known the magnitude of the mistakes until Thursday morning.
I used to be an Export Administrator until I burnt out and my old office skills were required on Thursday to data mine and clean up the stacks of paperwork she had been hiding, in addition to doing my usual job. Our accounts manager was so impressed it was suggested that perhaps I would consider moving into the front office permanently.
Not a hope in hell! I am not a patient enough person to deal with customers, I am far to direct to be tactful all the time. In addition, I despise ringing phones. I am quite content in my position, I am able to utilize my OCD and mind juggling as well as my addiction to work. The physicality of the job keeps me fit and bouncing from one task to another, thus not giving me time enough to obsess over random thoughts regarding family, old conversations and keeping depression at bay by keeping my brain chemistry in a “good”, higher functioning area.
One of the suggestions most mental health professionals suggest to assist in working ones way out of the depression prison is to make a list of three tasks one must perform on a daily basis. Any activity, even getting out of bed, will alter the brain chemistry. Moreover, it allows one to feel a sense of accomplishment, even if the second task is to go back to bed. We all need positives, especially those of us who live within the realm of depression.
I am not preaching or lecturing, I am simply reminding myself of what I must keep doing to stay afloat and moving forward.
Now to clean up the icky black sodden papers, cardboard and rags that are currently decoration my kitchen floor.
