Today I pushed myself.  The only thing that feels right is to lay in bed right now.   It is all I really want to do    

  I made myself get out of bed, showered, got dressed and ready(even make up / hair), watered plants, took care of pets, worked on improving the house, did a load of laundry, trimmed my hair, and made a effort to sit up more than lay down.   I forced myself when I wanted to lay down to do so in the backyard on the patio furniture verses inside going back to bed.  

I made myself eat and drink liquids even though I have no appetite.   

One step in front of another….

It is all can do right now.  It is the best I can do.  

Now, countdown to going to bed at 6.   Sleep and shutting down sound lovely.   I feel very discouraged.

The people in this horrible town, neighborhood and husbands cruel/ hateful relatives (also neighbors as well)  are starting to have a bad effect on me.

 I give up on finding a job here   I get it.   Outsiders are not welcome.

My current plan is to stay home or in the backyard unless I am driving out of town to errands or just to escape “here” and “them.”  

Thanks for listening.    🌸  I feel lonely.