I have lots to say. I have nothing to say. I am still confused on this site. I just spent 15 minutes trying to find the spot to write this blog. I even read where another person commented on a blog asking how to write a blog. I went to blogs in general; no menu or pull down to write a blog. I went to My Blogs. Nothing. I logged out and logged back in. tried the same. This time when on My Blogs I saw the faint words “New Article” I was able to click on it and voila, here is the blog writing section! Was it there the first time I visited My Blogs? I don’t know. Doesn’t matter.
I have been away from Depression Tribe so long, that I was coping OK with out it. But, I do miss my friends. I wanted to check on you all. However, once I get here, I see most of you have not been posting. Tons of people are joining the Depression group but hardly anyone is posting. Then, when I read a post, no one has responded. I feel sad for the new person who is reaching out for help and no one is there to offer support. So many of us have been there, in a hole, in a bad place and we cried out for help. Most of the time, we were there for each other. Not now. I am not blaming the community. Please do not take it that way. I am just making an observation.
I know we all said we would wait and see what happens with the new site before making a decision about staying or going. It appears that many of you have gone. Or, maybe you are waiting in the wings. I haven’t been around because I went out west on vacation and did not take a computer. I had limited cell service and even more limited data so I was unconnected for much of the time. After getting back, my son-in-law left for Marine Boot Camp. So my daughter has been taking up a lot of my time. She is gone for a week, so I might have some time to check in. But, I am really in a bad place and have little desire to do anything. So maybe that’s my answer. It always helps me to come here, air my issues and help others. What I just wrote really makes no sense. But I am too lazy to edit. See, sometimes I figure stuff out as I write or talk. So I thought I was going to say I was done with this site, but now after visiting and writing this, I am saying I’ll stick it out for another month.
Just a few more things… My new psychiatrist wants me to alter my diet. Go gluten and casein free. And the ‘white’ carbs: potatoes, rice. She did way I didn’t have to start out with both. She understands that getting the gluten and white carbs out will make the dairy hardd to eliminate as well. Her theory is that these foods have been proven to cause inflamation of joints and tissues. So, it could be causing me inflamation in the brain and causing depression. Oh, God, how am I going to stick to this diet???? Maybe I’ll try a liquid protein diet first to get a kick start. I don’t know. I have always been a failure at food. I am addicted to crap. I love crap. It may be killing me, but I love it. I know it is bad for my body, but it does not stop me. So, I might think it is killing my emotions, how is that going to motivate me to change? I have no hard proof it is killing me emotionally. I have no proof that the changes will help. Even if I did, it isn’t enough to make me change. I have to have the hot stove danger to keep me from it. But even then, that might not work. (I just burned my fingers three days ago with nylon rope and a blow torch). OK, so I am not so bright. So wish me luck and tell me to stay away from the bread, the cookies, the rice the potatoes, the chocolate, the ice cream. You get the idea.