I believe my fiance’ finally had a breakthrough from his mental breakdown yesterday.  I’m not a doctor; however, it does seem as though he built up enough stress for so long until it led to a mental breakdown.  I think he probably really started to overthink all the stress last Friday and it built up to the this "HIGH" on Wednesday through this Friday.  I think the time between the first Friday and the "HIGH"  starting on Wednesday was constant worry about things that his OCD made him believe were real or true even when they weren’t real or true. Then on Wednesday he just flipped out… .he didn’t sleep much last week at all at any point.  He spoke several times of not wanting to live, but as I said before he was  never in a state soooo extreme that he had gumption enough to actually do that to himself.  Thank goodness.

His parents went to talk to him yesterday while I was at work a few times.  He had a breakthrough and cried for the first time all week.  He was unable to do this before so I knew some sort of healing was occurring.   His dad called a few minutes after I got home from work yesterday to ask us to go eat with him.  My fiance’ cried on the phone with his dad again… sobbing…. as his dad told him that we would all help him through this and that he had been there once himself.   I did convince him to go eat at his parents although I know somewhere deep inside he knew it felt really good to have more than just me backing his recovery.  We ate dinner and he once asked his dad "Why am I cursed with this?" His dad answered, "Hey, son, let’s enjoy this time okay… you just worry about getting better.  This isn’t about why this or that okay."  This seemed to make the difference.  What I thought about was when I found out I had bipolar disorder 4 and a half years ago and thought that very thought.  About a year into my recovery, give or take, I finally realized that it wasn’t about God cursing me with the disorder.  Every time I was going through something and had breakthroughs of any sort of depression that question would arise and I would tell myself, "It’s not about why I have this disorder.  My focus is on how I can make the situation better.  No one’s life is perfect and everyone has something that they have to deal with in some way that not everyone has to deal with.  I need to learn from this situation.  I will gain strength from my previous weaknesses and use that strength to help other people."  That seemed to help me get through those times until eventually I never asked myself that question anymore.  Anyway- after dinner, I was helping his parents clean up the kitchen and they told me to go spend time with him in the living room.  So I went to sit on the couch with him and he made a joke like he always does (but hasn’t done since about a week ago) and I laughed at him.  I wanted to cry I was so happy.  I have never been filled with so much happiness from someone else that I cried.  My handsome man smiled at me the biggest brightest smile.  And that is how he gets me every time.  I fall in love with him over again every time I see that smile.