I hate the fall it's the worst time of year. My birthday is coming and I dread it, of course, I am so close to 40. I don't even know why I'm on here with all the young people, at least they have a life to look forward to that can get better. Mine never did.

My credit card number was STOLEN and USED. I feel even more paranoid now and I don't know how it happened, because I didn't lose my wallet, someone just got the number and PW somewhere probably online… I have to wait to get a new CC and then change the number at AT&T so that I can pay my bill. It is a huge pain in the ass and I hate dealing with things like this.

I cleaned out my closet and it was supposed to make me feel better but instead it upset me seeing the old clothes made me have bad memories. Sometimes I just want to burn everything and other times I want to hold onto it forever.

I thought being sad might help me eat less, it's not. I will never be thin again. I can forget that. I'm going to just have to get used to being a size 10 because that's what I am and I love to eat and eating any less than I do now I am hungry and miserable. And then (I am going to addiction tribe next) I am drinking about every day because without it I get even more anxious.

So I don't know what is up with K, but I am tired of dealing with his phone. He can just talk to me when he gets a new one and his texts go through in a timely manner. I am sooo sick of worrying about that guy, I want to let go, but if I haven't in 5 yrs, I never will.