*takes a bite out of cheeseburger*
Starting things off, I want to clarify that I am not being sarcastic in the title. While school means lots of work, spending money, and stress, I don’t think I can be more excited for this year.
If you have been reading some of my blogs, you may know that there are quite a few issues at home. I understand that all families have issues but these problems kept me from becoming my individual. In short, I used to be scared of going off to college because I didn’t understand how to survive without my family.
And now, while I am most definitely not okay, I am much better in the mental health department. My anxiety has continued to decrease the more I am away from my family. I have been able to find out who I am, my likes and dislikes, and clothing preferences (yes, I could not function in the individuality department to even pick out my style).
I was told by my therapist that my anxiety did come from somewhere. While it was a not simple and complicated reason, there was a starting point. It continued to grow and became a snowball, things adding onto it every day at an exponential level.
I realized I didn’t fit in my family’s viewpoint. I realized I was different than my community. I realized I was an individual in a group of enmeshed lives.
I wanted to try so hard to fit in and not be myself. My friends told me that dressing up like a guy didn’t attract men, and that was somehow the way I found value and worth in my life. So, I stopped dressing the way I did. I was told to believe things without question. So I did. My body couldn’t handle living like that forever and began to decompose little by little.
I’m not saying there’s only one reason for anxiety or that there is a reason. There may not be and that’s okay. I just found comfort in finding a reason and through that reason I found a solution. And what’s the solution?
Moving out and going to school.
I’ve already found an LGBTQIA+ friendly community that I can live with. I’ve found multiple events I can attend. And I can be on my own, away from the social norms I was trying to force myself into.
…plus, I get coffee and multi-cultural foods apart of my meal plan. It’s not as if I chose the school I’m in mainly because of their food choices… 😉
I had no idea the support community was even apart of the school. I had to do research, and thankfully I stumbled upon something hopefully like this community. A place where I can feel free to be myself.
So, I want to thank you all for being that community. I also want to encourage you and wish you well on whatever journey you continue to in these next couple of months.
Thanks for listening!