I Wonder…?

I am up still at almost midnight. Seeing as how I've had such a good day with Zachary and the way I felt the other night, I wonder if this is the beginning of a mild hypomanic episode? It makes me nervous when I feel good, you know? I always feel like I have to watch my mood swings very carefully and I really dislike having to be suspicious of a good mood. But I have a feeling something's up this time because I'm not tired at all, even after the 1/2 mile walk, the park, Wal-Mart twice, chalk drawing with Zach, making Easter eggs, and numerous other things throughout the evening including playing Yahtzee with my husband several times. Everyone else is asleep and I just laid there and couldn't slow my brain down. After half an hour of torture laying there I finally got up and came out to the porch where I can blog and not bother anyone else.

Does anybody else deal with this sort of thing? I don't have hypomanic or manic episodes very often…mostly depression. Well, I hope it carries into Monday because I see my psychiatrist then. I want him to see me like this because he never has, which is why it's been so difficult to diagnose me.

This weekend is going to be filled with things to do. Tomorrow we're going up to Aaron's Dad's house because all of his brothers are home for Easter weekend. I haven't decided if I'm going yet or not. I don't want my whole weekend swallowed up by his family yet again. Easter we're supposed to go to his Mom's house for Easter supper and we bought a ton of eggs for an egg hunt for all of the kids. There's going to be even more people there than at his Dad's house. Ugh. Taking my own car on Sunday, I'm not getting stuck in that mess. I'll get to see my nieces though, so that'll be nice. I haven't seen them in about 6 months or more.

So yeah, I have all this energy and nothing to do with it tonight. It really sucks. I just have to remind myself to try to keep myself reined in over the next few days. One of the bad things about it is being around all those other people either feeds it or bottoms me out from exhaustion. And I have to stay away from spending any money ~ that's one of my signature hallmarks for the beginning of a hypomanic episode.

One good thing about it is that I've laughed and joked more today than I have in weeks; maybe even months. Part of it is that I'm starting to feel better from the medications for the sinus infection, but that's not all of it. I'd be a fool to think so. How do I slow this down? I'm thinking too fast to keep up with myself! And I could talk for hours about nothing right now…

I've tried meditative breathing, petting one of my kitties (we both find it soothing), journaling, and other low key things…but nothing seems to be helping me.

I guess I'll go stare at the moon awhile since she's up and so am I. Maybe I'll have another mystical experience of self-awareness again. That would be really cool.

Okay, signing off before I get into talking waaaay too much.

Goodnight all! HUGS to you!


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