Hello. My name is Hailey. I am 21 years old and a new member of this site. I joined because I have finally realized how severe my depression has gotten in the past month. I don't know what to say or what to do anymore. I am constantly feeling worthless and miserable. I cry what seems like everyday now. I feel guilty because my husband feels like it's his fault and thinks he must have done something to make me feel this way. He is wrong. I recently found out that depression runs in my family, especially with the women. This brought me atleast a little bit of hope and comfort. That's another reason I joined this site, because I think if I had other people to talk to that are going through the same things that I am it would make me feel a lot better. I feel like no one understands, not even my husband. He does so much for me and it breaks my heart that he feels like it doesn't make a difference. I feel so alone and cut off from the world. Like the life I'm living isn't even my life. It's the most horrifying feeling I've ever had. One of the main things that bothers me is that I really don't have any reasons to be depressed. I married the love of my life, we have a home together, we're both working and bringing in enough money, I mean what the hell do I have to be sad about? Nothing. But sometimes you don't have to have any reasons and I'm just now realizing that and it makes me feel like things are going to be okay. My grandmother has been dealing with depression her entire adult life and it makes me think that's where I'm getting it from. Somehow it skipped my mom and got handed down to me. Thanks a lot But it's not like I can hold it against her. All I want to do now is get medicated as soon as possible and find an antidepressant that works for me. I've been putting this whole thing on the back burner for way too long and it's time to stop. I can't keep letting my depression have all the control. I don't even remember what it's like to feel happy or normal. I've been ignoring all these thoughts and emotions thinking it's all in my head and all I needed to do was not think about it and it would go away. Every morning I wake up and hope to god that I would feel better and it was all over. That never happens. Because it's a disease and it's not going to go away on it's own. I need medicine just like any other illness. Now I know what people dealing with depression mean by saying "I'm sick". Well I'm SICK of being "sick". I want to be able to breathe again and live my life with my husband. I want to one day raise a family and be happy and content with who I am. I'm trying my best to have faith and take everyday step by step. I know it's going to be a long process and it's not gonna be easy. But with the love and support of my husband and family I know I can pull through this. I know I deserve to be happy. We all do.