I'm new

Hello. My name is Hailey. I am 21 years old and a new member of this site. I joined because I have finally realized how severe my depression has gotten in the past month. I don't know what to say or what to do anymore. I am constantly feeling worthless and miserable. I cry what seems like everyday now. I feel guilty because my husband feels like it's his fault and thinks he must have done something to make me feel this way. He is wrong. I recently found out that depression runs in my family, especially with the women. This brought me atleast a little bit of hope and comfort. That's another reason I joined this site, because I think if I had other people to talk to that are going through the same things that I am it would make me feel a lot better. I feel like no one understands, not even my husband. He does so much for me and it breaks my heart that he feels like it doesn't make a difference. I feel so alone and cut off from the world. Like the life I'm living isn't even my life. It's the most horrifying feeling I've ever had. One of the main things that bothers me is that I really don't have any reasons to be depressed. I married the love of my life, we have a home together, we're both working and bringing in enough money, I mean what the hell do I have to be sad about? Nothing. But sometimes you don't have to have any reasons and I'm just now realizing that and it makes me feel like things are going to be okay. My grandmother has been dealing with depression her entire adult life and it makes me think that's where I'm getting it from. Somehow it skipped my mom and got handed down to me. Thanks a lot But it's not like I can hold it against her. All I want to do now is get medicated as soon as possible and find an antidepressant that works for me. I've been putting this whole thing on the back burner for way too long and it's time to stop. I can't keep letting my depression have all the control. I don't even remember what it's like to feel happy or normal. I've been ignoring all these thoughts and emotions thinking it's all in my head and all I needed to do was not think about it and it would go away. Every morning I wake up and hope to god that I would feel better and it was all over. That never happens. Because it's a disease and it's not going to go away on it's own. I need medicine just like any other illness. Now I know what people dealing with depression mean by saying "I'm sick". Well I'm SICK of being "sick". I want to be able to breathe again and live my life with my husband. I want to one day raise a family and be happy and content with who I am. I'm trying my best to have faith and take everyday step by step. I know it's going to be a long process and it's not gonna be easy. But with the love and support of my husband and family I know I can pull through this. I know I deserve to be happy. We all do.

  1. Profile photo of Luc
    Luc 4 years ago

    Hello Hailey,

    First of all, you might want to go visit your doctor to get started and if you want to be treated by a psychiatrist you will need your doctor’s referral to do it.  Good luck with that because I have heard that in the States it is much more difficult to get a doctor or a psychiatrist than it is here in Canada.  I wish you all the luck to find a good doctor that will help you overcome your depressive episode.  Second of all,  depression is hereditary meaning that it is passed down from generation to generation.  Not only that,  the more members in your immediate family then, in your extended family have the illness the more likely you are to have it.  So you are right that it runs in the family.  I am sorry that it got passed down to you and that you might pass it down to your children too but that is the way.  Last of all,  you might have taken a medication that has as a side-effect the cause of depression.  So, you don’t have to lived through something profound to become depressed.  My first major depressive episode and my second major depressive episode were both caused by medication that I was taking for other things.  So perhaps that is how you became depressed as well without having lived through something profound.  It happens.  Well, be hopeful, take care and take heart.


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  2. Profile photo of fschubart
    fschubart 4 years ago

    It sounds like you have a great outlook on things. You are dealing with it at an early age before it spirals out of control. Believe me, it does happen eventually if not treated. It's not hard to find a psychiatrist in the US. In fact, most primary care physicians will be more than willing to give you a referral to release them from liability in treating something they don't specialize in. Finding a psychiatrist that listens is a little more difficult. They are busy and what you're going through is routine to them, but there are counselors that listen and may be able to help you develop a course of action toward treatment. I suffer from bipolar depression and every day can be a struggle. One of the hardest things to do is finding medications and treatment that work for you. Some meds can make it worse and it can be a long, drawn out process with many pitfalls. But you're not alone and you're not all that unique. There are people that can help you and I think you're off to a good starting point. The best of luck to ya'!!

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