I almost forgot the dream I had last night (or early morning), but suddenly remembered it. I think it was while I was riding on the bus today and had passed a church. How weird it is that a church conjured up an image from my dream, which has no correlation to a church (read on)! All I remember from that dream is that I was sitting on the floor and had taken a scalpel (sp?) — it looked like one from a science laboratory for dissection — and was cutting into my calf! I pressed deep into it, and I mean deep, as if you were cutting into a thick piece of steak, cuz my scalpel had partially disappeared into the flesh….and then it got stuck!! Caught on some of my uncut flesh!! It hurt and I panicked. Another significant feature of my dream is that everything was all bright white. I don’t know where I was, and it didn’t concern me, but everything was lit up. There wasn’t any blood at all, either. In fact, my flesh was light pink….I do remember thinking, “I’m cutting near the bone (tibial tuberosity)…How come there’s so much flesh? Shouldn’t I have hit the bone by now?”

The scary thing was, I didn’t even want to cut myself, but my mind was fighting with itself. There was a meek voice and a….decisive one (for lack of a better descriptor): “I’m scared. I don’t want to cut anymore. You decided already. You can’t turn back.” And while I was cutting, I didn’t stop because that voice said, “You already started it, you might as well finish it.” So though I didn’t want to do it, and before I even did it, there was this urging that I had to do it anyways. And I actually felt pain during this dream. I even woke up feeling so sensitive on that part of my leg, wondering if it actually was cut somehow.

My dreams are getting more gory as the years go by, it seems.