So, while writing this I hit the backspace and for some reason it just went back to the last page. But, starting again. It has been quite a long time and I do not know why I stopped coming here but I know now I need to say something because I'm flustered. I was in the hospital in May because I was not able to hold down any food and most liquids, so I was losing a lot of weight very fast. Because of this I stopped taking all of my medications. During this time a girl canceled our Prom date a week before, and my birthday was within days. So, you can see it must have been stressful for me. Plus, I had to tell my parents about it, which was very hard and embarrassing for me as I was so ashamed.

   Since then I have been doing okay, and being of the medications is great because I feel emotions much better, but it can also be a bad thing. I have horrible sadness and I am very moody in the sense that one minute I'll be happy and the next I will want to cry and might even start crying. It's a bit odd but it's better than not feeling feelings very well like I did when I was on the medications I was taking. Of course, the symptoms have come back with a vengeance. Being a musician, I play a few instruments, including the drums. If I touch my drumset wrong I feel bad, I bent over and hit one of my cymbals and now it's bad. But, playing the set this all goes away, or mostly depending on my state of mind (how into I am…not drugs or alcohol, I don't do those things). It's weird but I'll figure that out. I just feel guilty all of the time. Plus, I am very behind in school credit wise and am not going to school anymore. I am in a Virtual School program and I just can't find my motivation. I WANT to go to college for music (or maybe midwifery, but I'll probably just take CM courses as time goes by) but I just have such a hard time working towards graduating. It's SO hard for me and it bothers me and makes me feel guilty and ashamed.

   I play lots of shows now and am interacting with people somewhat better, although I don't hang out with people at all. My emotions and feelings confuse me and I will lose interest in a certain person very fast (not love interests, really, just anyone). So I'm trying to learn to cope with that. I just want to be rid of this, but my head is never off and I am always flipping out about something. I bet you guys and girls understand, that IS the point of this website, after all.

Well, I'll try to get some sleep now. Later I might post a blog or three about my year and the stories about that girl and such (she was mentioned in one or maybe more of my previous blogs). We'll see. Until then, Goodnight.

   Sincerely,
   Zack.