Hi to anyone who reads this.

It has now been .. at least 6 and a half months I’ve been off work and struggling with my mental state.

I was suffering from really bad depression and overwhelming social anxiety. Since two weeks ago, after extreme suicidal thoughts and plans and just feeling like I was ready to go.. I saw my doctor and a new psychologist.

This new psychologist was brilliant. He gave me something to think about and gave me some answers to questions I didn’t know I wanted answers for. I must say he gave me an idea.. or basically opened up my mind to thinking how and why I am the way I am potentially. He mentioned I showed signs of melancholic depression, a subtype of major depressive disorder. It now makes so much sense. I took time to read up on it and many symptoms I have experienced not just in these last 6 months, but basically maybe since I was a young teenager.

I decided after a month of weaning off escitalopram, I’d try what my doctor prescribed, some sertraline. It’s my eighth day on it and I feel really drowsy afterwards and keep sleeping and still tired, but I feel like I’m more proactive with managing what I have. I have a psychologist appointment coming up and I want to keep at it this time because I believe it will help me.

I was starting to fear I’d also lose my career based on the amount of time I’ve had off and it was adding more stress and emotional strain. I recently got two job offers in ICU and I couldn’t be more happier and surprised with this outcome. I feel it gives me a reason to continue and a reason to beat this. If I can’t beat it I want to be able to live with it and still function at my optimal.

I believe depression doesn’t define you. You define yourself with how you live and what your next steps are. If you are struggling, please know you are never alone.