Its my birthday and everyone arund me is happy but me? I could careless. Still woke up this morning wishing i didnt, wishing he loved me, wishing everything would change. My poor mom has to put up with me, so i have to pretend like im happy when really i feel empty and i can literary feel my body wanting to give up. My body is tired of fighting the depression. I just feel like ive been laying in my death bed since i was 12 ; too long.
My birthday wish is to be alone, with someone who understands what im going through so i can just tell everything and not be judged. I just want to spend the rest of my life with someone who knows what its like to not want to live anymore. I want to wake up and feel loved and wanted.
But you know what? This is reality and that would never happen because life is shit. We have meds, therapists, council groups, but none of those will stop someone from killing themself if you just dont understand.
My mom took me to the therapist and she justdidnt get it. She pretended that just by buying me whatever i want and telling me its gonna be okay, is gonna make everything okay. And i cant even be mad at her because what can she do? Her innocent daughter wants to die because she hates her life.
So my mom thinks to herself "what did i do that was so wrong?"
But the thing is, everyone always thinks its their fault im like this. There all so selfish.
Maybe i just hate life? Maybe i just hate myself? Maybe im tired of living in this world. ITS ME. not anyone else.
Honestly; i probably would never have the courage to kill myself but i can tell you….
If i was standing in the middle of the highway and a car was coming toward me, i wouldnt move.
Happy birthday: to the girl who isnt worth living.