Hello… whoever is out there.

My name is Summer and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for 28 days. I've just recently figured out that I am an alcoholic and I kind of had to slowly start to come out about it anyway because I needed to buy a ticket to Brazil to meet my girlfriend for the first time…

As you might have figured from that last part, I'm also gay.

Which is way easier to come out about. Anyway. I don't know why I'm saying this here but for some reason I wanted to put it out there.

This is how I came out to my girlfriend, of nearly a year, about my problem. Maybe it will be of use to someone reading.

Hey Gorgeous,

So I got paid today and am about to purchase my 'for real' ticket to your country of bikinis.

But I kind of wanted to check in with you about something first.

It's nothing bad. I actually think it's really good. But it's also probably kind of a big deal and, now that I'm sure of it, I feel like I should at least verbalize it.

So, you know that I've quit drinking to try to lose weight over the past few weeks.

Well, that has turned out to be a lot harder than I ever thought that it would be. Like, so hard that I've literally been sourcing websites, podcasts and books about addiction to try to figure out hacks to help me not drink… In this process, I feel that I've confirmed that I'm an alcoholic.

All of the the things that I used to do before that I just thought of as part of being a creative and somewhat damaged adult were really me using alcohol to fix a lot of problems. There arethoughts that I've had over the past month that normal people don't have in regards to alcohol. I haven't really talked to anyone about it with the exception of Jand T. I've mentioned to both of them that it's not just about weight loss. That I think I actually do have a problem and I'm working on it.

I haven't told you because I love you so very much and I certainly don't want to lose you over this.

I'm sorry that I kept it from you but I didn't really understand it was a problem until recently and then… Yeah, I just didn't want to say it because it feelsincredibly shameful, and pathetic and a myriad of other really nasty emotions that aren't something that you want to make into a show and tell exhibit with the person who makes your entire world seem brighter and more beautiful.

But. I feel like I do need to be honest now before I book plane tickets and see your family and further entwine our lives.

I haven't had a drink in 28 days. I don't plan to ever do it again. But I do think that you should know that this is something I struggle with. And that you have every right to not want to have to deal with the prospect of me falling off the wagon.

Obviously this is bigger than me just asking if I should go ahead and buy the ticket, love. It's also me admitting that I'm kind of a bigger mess than you knew you were signing up for. And saying that it's ok to take your name off the list.

The good news is that I'm 28 days less of a mess.

Anyway. That's it. I love you and I know you're having fun at the beach today.

Take your time and let me know what you think about the ticket.

Boa tardes,

Summer