Hi I’m new,

I’m here because I feel lost and lonely.  I have been married and with my husband for over 16 years.  He certainly has been the "love of my life!"  I felt euphoric for around seven years, then we both had to have surgeries at the same time.  He almost died and struggled without me there – I believe.  After that he started doing commericials trying to become an actor.  He didn’t ask me if that was OK, and certainly that was not, I didn’t want the life of being an actors wife.  He started sneaking then and doing things behind my back, the next was porn.  Before we married he was Jehovahs Witness, me a born again Christian.  He left his religion and joined me in just believing in God’s word  not mans.  He made a promise to stay a Christian if he wanted to marry me.  As the sneaking around grew, every little thing that interrupted our lives drew him closer to the porn.  I finally left him and went to another state to stay with my daughter.  After finding forgiveness for something that is considered an addiction, I forgave him and came back only to find he had gone back to JW.  I now live in the downstairs bedroom and he the top.  We have gone to years of counseling and been told it won’t work because he won’t try.  I have no choice in leaving because he carries the insurance and I only have Medicare to rely on.  I can’t work and don’t have enough money to support myself even in a very small place.  I stay at home most days, alone and lonely.  I do crafts and read, swim and have been travelling more, but it tires me.  I want to not be on this earth many days, don’t understand the reason for my exsistance most of the time.  I guess that’s why I’m here.