I feel like I shouldn't write about this on Addiction Tribe, since my main addiction is shopping and spending, it probably sounds trivial to drug addiction… I'm addicted to alcohol too, but nothing like my spending. I over eat, but nothing like my spending. My spending is ruining my LIFE– I am burning through my life savings winning auctions on eBay. And I know I'm doing it and I can't stop. It's controling me. It would be OK if I were some rich bitch heiress who could just sit here and spend money all day, but since I'm NOT it's going to send me into debt, then I'll have nothing.

What if I need money for an emergency? I will be screwed. I am not doing this for fun anymore, it's just another way to cope with the lonliness and depression and stress…

I like the things I get, but buying them is useless. I need to save up not spend. At least this will end once I'm out of money. Then I'll have to find something else to become addicted to.

I haven't heard from K and I feel like I'm not going to. I think he got bored with the idea of me already. I'm gonna die if that is the case. I need him. He is the ONLY thing that TRULY makes me happy!

P won't say hi to me, evenon FBand I don't know about anyone else. The only thing that will get me thru this week is knowing that M will be here on Saturday. I miss her so much. She is the only real friend I have.

I owe $273 on eBay. I can do it,but ONLYifI STOP now and do not spend any money in August. But I don't think I can. There are so many good auctions coming up. I am not sure I CAN stop. I think the only thing that will stop me is having $0 left and then I will have no choice.

My business is going SO badly, it's so slow, I make less than $20 a week, why do I even keep my store open? It's so sad.

I gotta get that $$$ in the bank to cover what I just bought. Then I have to delete the other auctions and not search for anything else. For a month at least to catch up. But then whatever will I do with my pathetic self? I am such a bore and have no life whatsoever. That's really the basis of my problems. I'm just a nothing. I am a really nice person with a brain, but I don't know how to use it for anything so what's the use? If my only passion is shopping, then I'm just a nothing and without money I can't even do that.