So… This is hard to write.

I love my bff, and I have for the past few years. I don’t want to reveal her name… but her Screen name is Kiysa, So we’ll call her that. She’s everything to me. We both deal with alot… and we both suffer from depression. We both do self harm, but… That’s mostly been put to a stop by her brother who told her parents who told mine. That… sucked. Anyway… She knows I love her, and I honestly can’t stop. She and I have been through alot together, and ever since I fell for her, stuff has gotten harder as if that affected our lives alot. I suppose timeing played a part. I just… She keeps me alive. I would die without her, and I don’t want to stop loveing her! I know it’s selfish and wrong but I can’t seem to let go of the fact we won’t ever be anything more than friends. It hurts me evry day to know I can never fully tell her or show her how much I care about her. And well… I hate that I car so much because it’s hurting both of us. I wish she was bisexual like me and liked me… And I know that hopeing is stupied. She’s straight. She gets crushes on guys. Not girls. But… I can alwase hope? I think? I just have to try to not push this on her… I hate knowing that every time she gets to her line that I tell her I love her (In some way… Only once have I acctually told her during her depressed state). I’m hopeless, I know. She just means so much to me, I don’t know what to do.

When she says things that are really bad about herself, it hurts my soul to know I can’t hug her and cuddle her and be there for her physically and not just with words. Hell, I’m half way around the world right now… I’m useless for her here. To all my friends. I can’t help Any of them and all I ant to do is get to them and be there for all of them, espcailly her. but I’m an ocean away, thousands of miles. I can’t do anything.


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