I want to talk about D for a moment.
He has had quite a rough path, and the fact he is such a strong man is absolutely inspiring.
He is 27 years old and I am his 5 girlfriend, and I will tell you why, although I only know details on 3 of his four past relationships.
It always starts out the same, boy meets girl, boy falls in love, then someone gets hurt. Except for him is was to an extreme. He worked with one girl, I do not know her name, but he had been with her for a few years, and as all relationships it was not perfect but they made it work.. Until one day at work she picked up a knife and cut him, across his wrist and up his arm. then another girl he was with put an knife right through his arm, I dont know any more details to that, I did not know these two girls but I did meet the girl before me.
They broke up around 3 years ago, she seemed like a really nice woman, I quickly grew to like her. I could tell that D was falling in love with her, it was in his eyes. Then one day she decided that instead of moving closer to be with D she moved closer to her ex and completely broke his heart, in that moment that I found out I lost all respect for her and no longer liked her, and while it is a strong word that I will not throw around I hated her, I still do because she hurt D, even though not as bad as the other two I mentioned.
The reason I am sharing this is because D is very withdrawn and guarded because of these 3 women, and to be honest I don't blame him because I would be too, anyone would.
So D is not an affectionate person, and normally I am not either but with him I am, all I ever want is for him to wrap his arms around me and hold me just because, which has always been a pipe dream in my mind. He will hug me, and he will give me a kiss after making me struggle to get one, and at night he will wrap his arms around me loosely as if it is habbit.
I realize he is struggling with his own demons like I am, and I think with me fighting mine it may be inspiring him to fight his. Both last night and today I got up on my tip toes (literally because he is 6'7") and wrapped my arms around him and was able to get a kiss, and not a quick one like usual.. I also didn't have to fight for one. He allowed some affection to come out.
Those few moments he gave me meant more to me than anything, and I find his strength even more inspiring when he is trying to overcome his demons and is allowing himself to finally lower his guard a little for me.
Today before I left his house him and his mom gave me over 30 movies, he also lent me some of his that he felt I should watch. One of those was "P.S. I Love You"
I don't know if any of you have seen it but this movie is the definition of timeless love, and endless passion. After I watched it I began texting with D, we spoke of how amazing it would be to be loved and cherished that much. There are no words to describe how it would feel to be loved like that. It truly is a perfect romance.
It makes me wonder if D loves me that much, if he would do something so amazing and loving as the man did in that movie, or if he could ever love me that much. But I do know without a doubt that my love for him is timeless and endless, after all I have been in love with him for 11 years and have only been able to call him mine for 4 months.
If I knew I was going to pass away I would do allot of the same that was done in that movie for D. I fell in love with his smile and it breaks me to see him saddened, I couldn't handle the thought of seeing him hurt.
If he is my forever then when his time comes I hope it is before mine so he never has to feel the pain of that kind of loss. I know that kind of pain very well, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.