I am new here to this site. I have been so down in the dumps. I feel like I am going thru the motions of life….. Only doing what I truly have to do. Last year I had a heart attack and it really put me into a "funk" which I have not yet come out of. Really made me step back and think why do I do anything that I do…. what is life all about??? I feel paralyzed with fear that anything that I do will be the wrong thing. I have been stressing myself out which is not good for my heart. I am 47 years old and I am afraid to do anything. I have no confidence in anything that I do. This is a bad place to be. I have 2 children a 15 year old boy and 12 year old girl. My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Also, my husband has a no schedule job – inwhich he is on call 24 hrs a day – 7 days a week. This also makes life crazy. He receives a phone call and has to be at work within 2 hrs of which he has a 1 hr drive. I always thought that the schedule of his would get easier to life with as life went on. However, it doesn't. My job is stressing me out too. I work for two sisters that are very spoiled and make life almost unbearable at work. The only reason I stay there is the part time schedule would be hard to find anywhere else, the hourly rate is decent and it is located 5 minutes from my house. However, I sometimes wonder if it is worth the extremely stressful atmosphere there. My doctor doubled the medication I am on (Effexor) and it caused me to gain 25 lbs. When I realized that – I dropped myself back down to 1/2 the dose. I am sure that is what made me sink lower into this bout of depression. I have now started taking the increased dose again and am hoping that this bout of "doom and gloom" will lift. In addition to being depressed – I am also very anxious and worried. I do not like the financial position that my husband and I have gotten ourselves into. His income has dropped significantly and it has really put a financial burden on us. We let somethings go at the holidays so that we could continue to exchange, etc. the same way that we always have. As a result we are robbing peter to pay paul now and are really strapped now. living on a shoestring…. I feel like I cannot stop thinking about any of this and I am consumed with fear. I am driving my husband crazy. He is able to be more optimistic about things than I am. I keep telling myself that things will get better and that there are other people who have things way worse than I do. But none of this is calming my fears and anxiety. I worry about everything, finances, children – my childrens social standing, what I say to people, what people think of me and my family, I literally worry about anything and everything. Well now that I have rambled on and on, does anyone have any ideas about how to make the worry stop……
-
Which One?
Di, , Depression, Anger, Depression, Relationships, Weight Loss, 1
I'm starting to think there are two personalities in me, this sweet person in which I'm often refered as,...
-
Not my kids
GetBetter, , Depression, Child, Relationships, 0
Today was pretty laid back. I helped out around the house and went with my boyfriend's mom and grandma...
-
N steps up, N+1 steps back
SaltWaterDrinker, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Grief, Medication, Parenting, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 0
The last few weeks have sucked. Sucked too much for me to write. In my last blog, I mentioned...
-
Maybe you need a new group
torishy, , Depression, Bipolar, Depression, 2
I've been doing my lil bipolar dance for the past 15years and it has it ups and downs mostly...
-
Falling Down
SunshineGirl51, , Depression, Anger, 1
I cant seem to stop thinking about the ending to the movie "Falling Down". The part when Michael Douglas'...
-
*Language Warning*
Tehycan, , Depression, Addiction, Anger, Career, Depression, Grief, Herbal Remedies, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 0
Hmmmmm, they don't seem to have "want to destroy the entire world" as a mood option. Just doing senseless...
-
Thunder and Lightning the mood
vainglorious615, , Depression, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sleep Disorders, 0
The Travel Channel is my pornography. If I have an hour or two to allow myself to relax, I...
-
Living
bluelotus, , Depression, Depression, 0
whats the point in living when everyone looks at you as if you’re worthless and stupid. i feel like...