So I'm back again to write another 3 a.m. blog. I was hopeful that this time it wouldn't be 3 in the morning, that it would be 6-ish instead because I went to sleep around 11:30 p.m., but nope, 3 a.m. it is. I have to admit I'm pissed about this. I'm actually ready to pull out my hair or stop taking the medication, whatever it takes to allow me to be able to sleep and make the insomnia go away. I've been using over-the-counter sleep aids to try to help me, but the only thing it gets me is more tired because my body will not stay asleep. I end up staying up until my son gets on the bus at 7:15 a.m. and then come home and try to go to bed. At best I get another 3 hours of sleep. Then I wake feeling jittery and unnerved and just not good. At those moments when I'm feeling so bad I find myself wanting to cut, and I don't, but the desire is there which scares me. I need to see my therapist but I had to cancel my appointment the other day due to stomach issues. I'm going to call today and see if I can get in with her today or tomorrow…
Yesterday was a pretty rough go round. Ever since I've been on the Latuda my mood has been better but for some reason I fell apart. I had had very vivid dreams during my late morning nap and just cried and cried for an hour. Then I got mad at myself and made myself do something, anything, besides feel bad for me. So I dyed my hair. After another hour I went back to sleep for 2. Then I got up and Zachary and Aaron and I went to an ornament decorating party at Zach's school. He had fun, and I think it helped everybody ~ even me. I made a fox with a red santa hat and mittens that I can put a picture in, and Zach made Frosty the Snowman and a squirrel. Aaron made a holiday bear. They'll all go on our tree this year. I have to remember to write down the dates on them so I won't forget years down the road.
It's scary to me how fast my son is growing up. He's turning 9 at the end of the month, and in another 9 years, he'll legally be an adult. 🙁 It goes too fast. WAAAAAAYYYYY too fast for my liking. It's like you blink and years have passed by. Where did they go?!
Well, I'm going to attempt to sleep again now…wish me luck and fairy dust to help. If there's a tooth fairy there's a fairy that helps us fall asleep too. 😉 Love light and peace to all.
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