I look forward to and dread weekends.

During the week, I at least have a set schedule/routine that I can count on. Get up, walk, work, come home, bed …..rinse & repeat.

Weekends as of late, seem so-so. Nothing real special to look forward to. Nothing super spectacular to get excited about. The last two weekends I have found myself bored. Ended up napping just to kill time.

This weekend…Sunday specifically, is Sam's 14th birthday. She is also having a party on Saturday. That will keep me occupied for the most part.

J & I are going to Walmart after I get out of work to pick up her cake and any last minute gifts & whatnot. That's about all the excitement I have planned. 😛

Yesterday was super busy at work. The other med. assistant that I work with had to go to one of our other offices so it was just me & 2 doctors. I did have a nurse to help answer phones at least. While I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, it did make the day go fast and that was nice.

Feeling a bit ho-hum. Not in a bad/depressed mood, but not quite excited about anything either.

The weekend after this, the little respite kids will get picked up. J also wants to go to a big Bass Pro Shop that's a bit away on Sunday with Jason. He said I should go too. I am going, but we haven't even gotten to the weekend and I already feel like I am going to feel like a 3rd wheel.

The following weekend J wants to camp. We already have reservations to camp for Labor Day weekend. He's thinking we'll head up there the weekend before & just stay. We'll see how that goes.

He has a trip planed for September, with Jason for a fishing tournament. Then in October, the weekend between our birthday's, to go with his best guy friend, Mike to PA for some train stuff.

He asked me if I wanted to go camping in October. I shrugged, said OK & told him we ought to wait & see when it gets closer. I assumed he was referring to a whole family outing. Then he said he wanted to go away with me at least just for a night.

Not sure how I feel about that. Yes, I want to. But part of me can't help but feel like it's an after thought and done out of guilt for having all these plans of his own while I sit on the sidelines & watch.

My own fault I suppose. I have pulled myself away from nearly everyone that I know. And the funny/sad thing is….I don't think anyone has noticed. They all have thier own lives & their own stuff going on. I'm not about to start whinning about my life. I really don't have any room to whine/bitch/complain!

I have a good life. I have a good job, great kids, magnificent husband!

Then why can't I help but feeling so blah?