So… Nothing has really changed. Well, at least for me. I have managed to control my emotions more or less. Espeially my anger in the last two years. Only to have it come back with a vengance. I'm actually scared i may hurt someone. And the admiddions department at my school are adding to it. they shall be my victims. Sorry. had a very bad day thanks to them. Anywho, my anger is back and the way things have changed, it might stay.
In the case of my friends however, everything has changed. my former innocent minded roommate, has offically been currupted by the various new people i have just meet. Another of my friends has grown up. So much that i believe that she will no longer take any of my emotional breakdowns or any of my crap. As for another one of my friends, well, she got sass, and lots of it. but atleast they are still friends.
I"ve been away from them for over six months. and i feel as i do not belong anymore. not that i am not okay with being alone. it's just easier for drepression to creep up on me. and at some points, suicide doesn't look so bad.
But i have to look on the bright side. I mean there should be a bright side. At least i hope their is. I mean i have become a bit independant. Yet not enough. Not enough to make people think i'm capable of many things. I was actually called a failure by my own aunt. I don't like her. I could have knocked her ass out. but she was letting me stay in her house while in Mexico. If i have known my grandpa would let me stay with him, i would have beat her ass way before her husband did. but, yeah. i have not grown at all.
I am still a 20 year old that looks like a 17 (12 in some oppinions) year old, and acts like one too. though in some cases i act like a child, but that is only because that is how i deal with tremendous stress. Just as i have put my life in drive, it breaks down. i can't deal. i don't want to deal with this. especially with the situaltion i am in now. But i have been told by people that work on campus, that i am actually taking the situation accordingly.
So tomorrow i shall rip some heads off and eat a few hearts…
… I need a cigerette…… I don't even smoke. okay, i lied. i've smoked only twice. if i did smoke, i would be decapitated by one of my friends.
anywho. i don't know. i don't know anything. i am confused as eff. Confused with everything. life.
I hope you guys are doing okay though.