Its amazing how much of an effect that domestic problems can have on a person….My mom is moving out-the ONLY person who I was ever able to call "My Rock," my parents are serperating and i can't even cry.
i'm filled with SO MUCH HATRED right now, and for a long time since this has been going on. I hate EVERYTHING. I hate THE WORLD, MY FAMILY, MY LIFE, MY LUCK (OR LACK THERE OF), MYSELF. Why the hell am I alive for? Why? So that this crap can just keep DRAGGING ON and so that things can just CONTINUE TO DECLINE?! why?! What is the POINT? I saw a girl on Facebook today who I graduated from……she's married with a 9 month old baby boy, and what have I got, I've got shit. I've got a family of 23 years thats breaking off into little pieces, I've got my screwed up mind, and NOTHING to look forward to except for a shitty holiday season. Guess I should try writing to Santa about that one, "Can you put my family back together?" Too bad there's NO ONE LISTENING, no Santa, NO ONE. I'm ALL ALONE, and feel like i'll PROBABLY BE ALONE FOREVER, and I';; NEVER HAVE what I WANT, I''ll NEVER have a baby with a man I love who loves me just as much, I'LL NEVER be married, my reason for continuing life is REALLY hanging by a thread and I'm not sure what's the point anymore? I have NOTHING, and the one happy aspect of my life, which is MY BOYFRIEND is probably ONLY TEMPORARY TOO, just like every other happy thing ever to be dropped and then RIPPED OUT OF MY LIFE has been-MY FAMILY IS BEING TAKEN AWAY, if THEY can't stick around, and be whole, THEN NOTHING IN MY LIFE WILL. My family is the ONE THING I ALWAYS KNEW I HAD, and no matter what anyone says, having a family IN PIECES after 23 years, DOES NOT feel like your family ANYMORE. I'm even angry at God. I always PRAYED TO HIM and THANKED HIM for MY FAMILY and that if that can be THE ONLY THING I CAN EVER HAVE THEN PLEASE DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO THEM. PLEASE LET ME HAVE MY FAMILY FOREVER, God, if I can't have happiness ANYWHERE ELSE. HE'S NOWHERE TO BE FOUND and I resent him, although thats dangerous, but I don't want to live the life he gave me if it is just going to be full of shit. I'M TIRED OF THIS AND I WISH THERE WERE SUCH THINGS AS ANGELS AND MIRACLES, but I guess that only happens with a "luck of the draw," type thing, and one thing I've never been was lucky. I feel like such a BRATT, like I shouldn't be hurting so much, but I can't help it. I know there are starving children in AFRICA, but there are also HAPPY WHOLE FAMILIES who carry on for GENERATIONS and live happily. This is THE ONLY YEAR THAT I DON'T WANT CHRISTMAS, its too painful, awkward, and wierd for me right now.
I’m so, so sorry to hear that your Mom’s moving out. When my family fell apart I remember feeling like I was just drifting with nothing to anchor me anymore. Everything seemed like it was turned upside down and I couldn’t separate the reality from the way things always seemed to be before.[br][br]
I realize that it seems like your whole world is crashing down around you. This is going to be a tough time, guaranteed. But please don’t give up. You probably hate hearing this, but when I read your comments all I can think is that you’re so young and have so much ahead of you. It may seem right now like everything – your mind, your family, your relationship with your boyfriend – is in decline and there is no point to life. But you have no idea what is in store for you. Don’t worry about the girl with the baby – I didn’t have my daughter until I was 28, and some of my friends had their first child in their 30’s. And it’s just your OCD telling you that your boyfriend is only temporary. None of us can predict the future, certainly, but for all the pain you’re in now there WILL be better times ahead. Maybe not tomorrow or next week, but slowly things WILL get better.[br][br]
We all care about you here. I’ll be thinking about you and hoping you will post again soon.
thank you both for your kind words. i feel a bit better now, just scared, but atleast i can feel a sense of support, maybe even family when i'm on here, and that means a lot.
Life does that, it sends us into a tail apin, it turns our life upside down. I can tell from your blog, that you are super upset. What couldn't find out was if it was best for your parents or not since they too have the responsibility to steer their individual lives. At least you have reached the age of majority. They may have put in this number of years for your sake. I can tell you this with some assurance. This too will pass. In the meantime you might just give some thought to your mother doing what she needs to do. It's not about you. It is about her.
I'm glad to hear you're feeling a little better. We're all here for you whenever you need us!![\"\"](\"/images/smile/emo/001_smile.gif\")