I have allowed myself to have a bad day today. I started thinking about all my so called friends. There are lots of people that I consider just "acquaintances" and lots that I consider "friends." There are a handful of people that I consider "close friends", and then there is my "best friend" (usually this is the person I am obsessing about). I know that I shouldn't sit around and think about this, but every now and then, I am reminded that all of my relationships are what I call "one sided," meaning that if there is any interaction between me and my friends I am the one that always initiates it. There is one exception to this…they call me when they need me to do something for them. I don't mind doing things for people, as a matter of fact, most of the time I enjoy it, but it makes me feel like people only like me for what I can do for them instead of just liking me for who I am. I send cards and emails and make compliments, but never receive any in return. Am I expecting too much for one or two of my friends to take the initiative to send me an email once in a while just to ask how things are going? Or for a friend to come to me just to hang out and talk for a few minutes? Maybe I am being selfish. I do have one close friend that will send me an email or card in return when I send one to her…maybe I should be satisfied with that. I have another close friend that calls me every other day, but he is a shut in and has no one else to talk to. I know what is causing me to feel this way. My OCD is under control, and I am currently not obsessing about anyone. Even though this has been my goal since I was diagnosed in 2001, I don't really know what to do about it. I am used to thinking about someone almost constantly, and I am fighting the urge to allow myself to "target" someone. I have discovered what triggers my obsessions, and I have learned to identify the "type" of person that I am likely to obsess about, so I have attempted to limit my interactions with these types of people. But I feel so lonely at times. What do you all think? Am I just whining about something that I should just get over, or do I have a valid concern? Your comments and advice are appreciated! 🙂 God bless you and your family!


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