I constantly have this feeling That I’m not good enough, even though I get told at least ten times a day that I am loved and that I am good enough, nothing anyone says will make me believe it. One of the worst things about it is that in my head I know there’s no real reason why I’m freaking out and it’s over something so simple that doesn’t even matter but to me it does, to anyone other than me it would sound so insignificant, but to me it stops me from having fun, it stops me from doing simple things that people do in a day. I know that people look at me and think I’m an attention seeker and that I’m rude or that I’m not fun to be around, when I walk in the room and I look around there are only a few friendly faces, well from what I can see anyway, maybe I just see the worst in people so that it makes me feel better about myself, but nothing does, no matter how many times I’m told that I am good enough, that I am loved and that I have nothing to worry about, I can’t believe any of it, it’s strange though because it’s like half of me understands it and believes it but the other half of me just tells me I’m not good enough and it takes over the other half and it brings me down.  It’s like having two people living in your head, one is logical and the other is paranoid and pyscho. I can’t settle until I am absolutely sure that everything in my life is ok. I text my boyfriend far too much I act so clingy just because I’m scared of losing him and half of me know that by doing this I’m just going to drive him away even more but the other half takes control and does it anyway. I don’t understand how he stays around, because sometimes I start getting annoyed and I do try to warn him if I feel like I’m about to snap but sometimes just the smallest thing can send me over the edge and I breath really heavily, my heart races, I get a flush of coldness through me and I clench my teeth and I am extremely angry and I want to get all my anger out by hitting something. Is this part of anxiety or a new thing all together? Then when i leave it takes about 10 mins then I feel bad for putting him through it and then I start crying because I’m scared he won’t love me anymore then I apologise and he says its fine then maybe in a few weeks it will happen again, no matter how hard I try to stay calm and no matter how hard I try to be the best girlfriend this controlling, paranoid, nervous, clingy part of me always comes out and makes me look so stupid to so many people. How can I fix myself??


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