Potential trouble ahead

After talking to some friends today and doing a little bit of research on my own I've come to realize I may be in some trouble if we can't work out our differences. If we can't work this stuff out and I'm not in the home with her and my child, she will have to file for child support if she wants to get any sort of assistance from the county or state. If she does that, then I'll have to get a second job to make ends meet on my own as well as afford the child support payments. By doing that I will be greatly reducing the time I will have to see my child. I honestly don't think she can make ends meet on her own without rental assistance, food stamps, medical assistance, etc. The only other option available is for me to sever my relation to my child and that is NOT an option I will even consider.I guess I just made the decision obvious. Hardly any time with my child is better than none at all. I'll be 51 when my child hits 18 and I won't have to pay anymore. I don't even really care about the money, it's the lack of time with my child and the damage all of this will cause. I've been praying nightly and occasionally during the day when my emotions and thoughts get out of control in case God does exist and He see's the situation as I do. I've been reading some studies on fatherhood.org about how detrimental it is to the child if the father isn't in the household – increased chance for criminal activity, obesity, behavior problems, increased chance for teen pregnancy and substance abuse, greater chance for child abuse and neglect from whatever partner she gets hooked up with. Even if she can get by without assistance and won't need to file for child support I'll still not be in the household helping raise my child. We need to fix this!

If anyone wants to take a look, here is the blog I was reading -http://blog.fatherhood.org/bid/190202/The-Father-Absence-Crisis-in-America-Infographic

1 Comment
  1. Profile photo of Delcorin
    Delcorin 3 years ago

    Thank you for the comment.  Being alone definitely does factor into things but it's not the sole reason. I just found someone after being alone for many years and now we have a child together so it feels like we ended before giving the relationship a fair chance. I've gotten over heartbreak in the past knowing I wouldn't have to see them again but this woman will be a big part of my life…for life. I'm tired of being alone without anyone to fuss over, care for, protect, and be romantically involved with.  If she finds a man that loves her and treats her the way she should be treated and treats my child like his own then I will have to accept that and be happy for them. My child looking up to him as more of a dad than me is something I have thought of and see it as a strong possibility since I'm not there, and it really hurts because I can't force her to give me a 2nd chance. Everything is happening so fast and this situation is all I can think of. Every time I find something positive to think about that gives me a little hope something else pops in that takes it away. Finding out about this child support business was a pretty big blow to my hope for the future. My parents divorced when I was 6 and they came to an agreement where my father would have custody and claim me on his taxes so my mom wouldn't have to pay child support. He was making fairly decent money at the time so it all worked out. This isn't the case in my situation. She said she wouldn't take me for child support but once she learns that she won't be able to get as much assistance if she doesn't that'll change things. A friend of mine is in a similar position – He has 3 kids and is divorced. They tried to reconcile but it didn't work and he's paying support. He's lived out of his car and been in the local homeless shelter twice because he can't afford a place to live and keep out of trouble with the law by paying child support at the same time. He's tried having roommates but they keep stiffing him on their portion of the rent so he gets evicted with the whole lot. I'd honestly be ok staying in the relationship if it was all about money on her part. I'd be living with my child and able to help her when she needs it and maybe over time she would come to trust me again.

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