Hello. I hope everyone is doing okay. I really haven't written a blog in months. But it is time. The emotions inside are making me sick. I just need to word vomit for a bit.
So. First off. I am going to church again. not exactly my church or religion. But it makes no difference. If you believe in God, you believe in God. If you believe in other gods or other things, then you go ahead and do that. I do not judge. I just care that we get along and be friends. Anywho. I rarely get to go to church back home because of time. yeah i know. i make time. but i really can't. and no one else cares to go to church. So my friend has been taking me to her youth group every Tuesday. She is Protestant. I am Catholic. Do you see it? It just makes me happy. Our religions separatedhundreds of years ago yet we are friends. That just sounds so not okay. but it has been typed. Any ways. i attend her youth group. she makes sure i always go. Their worship may be different than mine. but the rest is the same. And because of that, i am able to just go right in and worship. of course it was hard at the beginningcuz i was trying to get used to it. but now i just go in there like i was the only one there and sing my heart out during worship. Going to church again has actually helped. yet i still have to fight to go every Tuesday. but that is another story. And that is church.
Second. I have at least four best friends. but the absolute closest and best friends i have ever had, I have made in the past twomonths. It literally took us only two weeks to get as close as we are today. This will sound weird. But they have changed my life in the greatest ways possible. With them, i am no longer considered weird for remembering specific words and phrases said three months ago. I do not freak them out when i point out their ticks and weird body reactions. Shoot. they don't even care if i look like crap or have dress weird. They do it to. They also like to eat cheese. They arelactose intolerant. yup. Farts. all the time. Any way. they have changed the way i look at myself. some thing therapist, other friends, and family have tried doing with me. I no longer wear uncomfortable, tight clothes. i wear really baggy t-shirts. they do not care. i can actually be me. One of them actually got me to read the Bible. A book that i have not touched in over ten years. My mom has been trying to get me to read it forever. Eating. They get me to eat every single time. They stare at me intenselyif i don't start eating. And like me, they also have had their own battles. With depression, and some other things, like addiction. one of them, or actually both, are now helping me with the addiction i have. It is controlled enough, where i can deal with it, but it gets tough at times, and i break. but they help me. okay, that is friends.
Third. Member how i said i wouldn't dislikemy roommate? yeah. I don't like her. She is fake. Does not really help. She actually annoys me so much, i have to text people to get me out of my own room. She is still in high school mode. She cannot read social cues. she cannot read people at all. she gets into conversations that she is not meant to get into. When i try to help others, she comes in and makes it uncomfortable for them. SHE IS LOUD!!!!! I hate when people are loud. it takes me back to my child hood when talking loud meant your in trouble. I am uncomfortable with her. the worst thing is. i have to live with her again next year. She puts me in a bad mood. not talking bout her any more. i get irritated when i do.
Fourth, I've been very tiered lately. I don not know why, i have no stress, i am not sick. i am just thinking that depression is getting ready to hit me hard. so hard, i may back track a bit. but that is just my theory on it. i don't know.
any who. i hope everyone has a good night. i know this blog makes no sense, but yeah. to tiered to continue.