I think I've hit my rock bottom. I've done questionable things in my lifetime but I've always thought of myself as a good person inside. I don't think that anymore right now, and that's what hurts so bad. I've stolen from the one person who loves and cares for me unconditionally, stolen things from her that she's collected her whole lifetime. I want to vomit just thinking about it. I can't undo it. I can't make it right. I'm a horrible person because of it and I have to live with that, and I can't. I've finally realized I'm choosing this fucking substance over my family. Over a mother's love. I'm choosing this fucking shit over the most important person in my life. I'm willing to give up that relationship for it. I can't even imagine my life without my mother. She means more to me than life itself, and I've completely shit on our relationship, I've risked completely losing her for this fucking bullshit. I HATE that I let it come to this. I'm so fucked. I don't think she'll ever forgive me and I can't ever forgive myself, I just want to fucking die. But that's not even an option, it's just a one way ticket to hell on the express. All I can do is try to make things right. So as horrible of a place that I am, and as horrible of a person I am, I've finally realized that I'm choosing this shit over not only my own life, but my family's, and I can't keep living with that. I love my mom so much, I have to make this right, I have to finally choose my relationship with her over this fucking nasty shit. I think I've finally reached a little bit of clarity. I just absolutely HATE that it took me reserving a place in hell to get there. God speed everybody. Here's to my first step forward to becoming a good person again. That's all I want in life.