i have lived in Az for the past 7 years. in this town of around 35,000 i have seen so many people walk in and out the doors of recovery. some have died from this disease but a lot have gone back out because they stopped doing the things that kept them clean. they stopped coming to meetings, they stopped living and working the 12 steps, they stopped calling their sponsors, they stopped hanging around with program people. sometimes i just don't understand why people let their addictions run their lives. we need to come to grips with the fact that we suffer from a disease but the true problem is us.

it's a true battle 24/7 to stay clean. it's the hardest thing we have ever tried to do for ourselves. Narcotics Anonymous offers one promise only "Freedom from Active Addiction". nothing else. as long as you folow the guidelines of this program you never have to use again. stop trying to complicate this simple program. it truly comes down to do you really want to live clean and sober or do you just want to die? this disease has killed more people than any of us can count. we fight not only the disease of addiction, we fight spiritual warfare everyday. it's up to us as individuals to continue to carrying a strong, positive message of recovery. we have all gone through so much in our years of addiction. wasted years, tons of money, alientated us from our family and friends. lost countless jobs, got divorced, and so much more.

i can only speak for myself when i say yes it was an uphill battle to finally give into the fact that i was an Addict. i always knew i was an alcoholic but i would never admit i was an addict. after my first 2 weeks clean it hit me upside the head like a sledgehammer that my life for 22 years depended on what ever substance i could put in my body. you might laugh at the fact that the drugs we did in the 60's and 70's were far better than the shit on the streets today. any drug you take today you take the risk of continuing to poison your body. if you continue to poison yourself you might not make it much longer.

I have one daughter who has a little over 120 days clean. i have a son who is in prison in alaska until september because of selling drugs. i can only continue to be a positive example of recovery and pray to the God of my understanding that they stay clean and become responsible members of society. give yourself a break, try this recovery thing for one year. what do you have to lose? your life? your family? those assholes who you think are your friends today? how about losing everything you have worked so hard to get in your life?

please for your own sanity and well being give the program a chance to change who and what you are today. it can't be any worse than the life your leading today can it? give yourself a break and become a member of a very exciting new life, join your new family. become the person God truly meant you to be. Remember that recovery is a journey not a destination and use the rest stops God provides along the way.

A loving brother in recovery,

JJ