Screaming, Crying, Dieing, Trying…

I scream everyday, inside, wailing, crying, knowing I’m dieing outside while i’m already dead inside. I can feel anguish unlike anything I though I could feel, pain like billions of blades sliceing me, the memories like bullets, the knowlledge of things tearing my flesh of my skin, forcing my hand holding the blade onto my arm, makeing me slice over and over to just silence them if only for a moment… Not a single day do I not want to die, scram, cry, forget, escape… But I try to stay neutrl in the face, not cause trouble, not break down like the weakling I am… I hate being this weak… How dare I be this weak when I have people I have to support so thay don’t go it alone? My friends probably hate me, not need me, not want me, I know that… I tell myself everyday to not be happy and I’m not… I can’t be happy, It only makes bad thigs happen… I can’t liv too much longer, I feel like if I do i’ll just be condeming everybody to hell… I’m going to bring everybody down the more I’m here… I just want to stop egsisting, if only to end the pain and suffering I have and I give… I know that I’m a burden, a mistake, a useless bitch who nobody wants… I’ve never loved myself, I’m incapibal.. NObody can lov me… How could they? Why would they? They won’t… I’m so stupied, I’m 13 and I want to die… I’m so selfish… So weak… Why the hell am I here? I should jst die, end this, stop hurting oters.. But my mom says thats the easy way out, the weak way, the lazy way.. Shes probably right… I have to be happy for her… I can’t be not ok, I know everyone says it’s ok and It’ll get better bt it’s not…

2 Comments
  1. maitee 6 months ago

    hey, you look like you need someone to talk to. I’m here for you, so send me a message anytime okay?

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