My name is cynthia friends call me cindy. Ive been in and out of meeting rooms since 1995 and in inpatient psych wards 6 times until recently in sept at fremont hospital. Im a chronic meth user smoking it is preferred. Today i have 8 hrs clean again ive been in recovery for a stint of time then back out to relapse. Im so sick of this madness n how lonely i feel during n after come down.  Just recently in sept i tried to commit suicide again took 40 prescription pills n off i went for a psych stay. I let the using get really out of control back in 2003-2006 i broke apart my marriage to the love of my life n in 2006 i developed stage 3 breast cancer they removed both breasts. As if that was not enough i ran around with a loser guy n he helped me spend my retirement acct oh n gave me ecstacy pills while i was on chemo i finally got fed up n broke off the relations i found myself in the meeting rooms again had 2 sponsors n was in a fabulous ride of my life for 9 years….i then in 2014 lost my mother n i was ok but still drinking in 2017 i decided i could use a little at a time nope my desease came back in full force. Ive been using since then but managed to taper it waaay down still no success to try n quit. I forgot to mention above that me n my ex husband reconciled and have been living together since 2014. When i decided to go back to drugging i made some horrible mistakes like cheat on my exhusband you see we were in a relationship. I met some thug about 23 yrs younger than me n he broke me in ma ny ways. He n i were like oil n water but i still financed him n bought his drinks n ciggs n gas…things got out of control n he threatened me with telling my ex everything about us. I got scared did the damaging right think n told chuck myself. This other man could not break apart my family as i live with 2 older daughters n 5 grandkids. Chuck n i are talking now even laughing but it will take time to heal what ive done. Now today im desparate to share my story in a nutshell, im more deparate to find recovery again.